Hey guys,
I hope everyone had a good night. I have been suffereing from anxiety and a little bit of depression (which is getting much better) for a while. I am a college student at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Ever since school started i have been getting more and more anxious. I don't have a lot of friends at Rutgers because i commute to school. I decided that i would be happier if i started to make friends this semester, but it's so hard for me for some reason because i tend to care a lot about what other people think of me. Sometimes i think people are constantly judging me. Even if they are, i shouldn't care because i know i am a really nice person. I have started to force myself to talk to people and do my best to calm myself while i'm having a conversation with someone. My classes are really difficult and i feel like everyone i talk to in them is smarter than me, haha. Deep down i know i can do it! Sorry for rambling on for so long. I just have one more thing to add!- The scary negative thoughts i have are really weird and embarrasing. I'm telling you, they're weird. I am a 22 year old female who is interested in men. I used to go to college in NYC where there were a lot of gay/lesbian people. I was also so nervous around them because i thought that if i was hanging out with them i would become one of them or something– and that's not what i want!!! I support gays/lesbians and everything but i would never be interested in becoming one. I guess i just have a fear.. what if i was to become one? what if i could never get rid of this thought "what if i was a lesbian". What is wrong with me that i had this thought?? I would never want to be a lesbian! hahaha it's funny to laugh at but it's been bothering me, especially with exams in all my classes coming up next week. Can someone offer me some advice? I would pay, haha. If anyone has time to read this i would truly appreciate it. I am willing to offer anyone else advice about anything at all. I would love to help any of you. We should all make eachother feel better!
Thanks for listening guys,
Katie
Hey Katie,sounds like its an obsessive thought. You know deep down inside your not a lesbian also i know how you feel when you stated you feel like people are constantly judging you. Its anxiety. Its because we are judging ourselves. When you get obsessive thoughts try to watch them come and go without judging them. Then as soon as they pass,make yourself think of something else. Hope you feel better.
Thank you so much Punkey!! My therapist tells me to do the same thing but sometimes i have trouble doing it and get down on myself. Maybe these thoughts are just getting worse cause i have exams coming up! Thanks for the advice. If you ever need advice i am here to help!