I go back to work tomorrow, after eleven months of sick leave.  I’m going back to work for the supervisor who caused my Bipolar to deepen into PTSD and anxiety.

I’ve been so frantic for the last week getting ready for this, and steeling myself up.  I think I’ve almost been manic.

Where I live, the weather is very temperate.  Due to global warming, we almost never see snow anymore.  But a fairly deep snow is being predicted for tonight.  I actually am finding this rather amusing, that my first day back at work will involve struggling through rare weather.

The great thing about it is that we get snow so seldom that it is a huge deal when it happens.  Bread and milk fly off the grocery shelves, and snow is all anyone talks about.  So, when I get to work tomorrow, I suspect that most folks will be much more concerned about the weather, their bad commute, their kids being home etc, than about me.  I just want to be left alone to do my work.

I do suspect that I will have to meet w/Sally first thing tomorrow AM to go over some particulars, and find out what my job duties will be.  There has been some restructuring since I’ve been out, so I’m not sure of my niche.  I am very apprehensive about the meeting, but it’s a Serenity Prayer thing for me.  I can’t change Sally, her lack of empathy, or her dislike of me.  What I can change is my own attitude.  I can control my outward reactions to her behavior, and not let her know how much it hurts.  I can stop trying to argue with her, or placate her, or make her my friend.  I simply intend to listen to what she has to say, be polite, and get away from her as quickly as possible.

I’m amazed at my calm today.  Thursday through Saturday had some really rough patches.  But so far today I just feel relaxed.  We did not go to church because of the weather.  One of my favorite movies is on, and I am having an amazingly pleasant last day before I face the firing squad.

I’m really grateful to my partner, and to all of you who have been "listening" to me.  Thanks for being here.

 

 

 

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