Well, it's been day or two since I last blogged, so I figured it's time to update.

My husband ended up not going to the Daytona 500 because he's pretty sick with this cold/virus ~ whatever it is. I feel bad that he can't go, but I'm relieved as well, especially after the crash that happened yesterday and injured almost 30 people, some in critical condition. I know it's a fluke, but it wakes you up to what can happen.

Again today we're lying around the house for the most part. We went and got Zach's hair cut at a salon for the first time, and then my husband had her cut his too. Zach's looks so cute ~ but definitely makes him look older. When his hair is longer he has a baby face. My husband's looked good too ~ but to me it was no different than when I did it, lol.

I picked up a new bike seat today (yaaaay) and we put it on and then corrected the issues I was having…I can't wait to go ride it in the morning. I'd go tonight but I need to do homework with Zachary.

I'm so sad and disgusted with myself right now. The weight gain is really upsetting me because I've NEVER been this heavy. Early next week I have an appointment to see another psychiatrist (mine's out) and am going to demand to come off of the Abilify. This is ridiculous! There's got to be another way to get me stable besides adding 400 lbs to me. I've fought with my weight all my life to try to keep it down, and I yo-yo some, but this is maddening. I actually laid in bed and cried this afternoon when I was trying to take a nap. I even thought about suicide briefly, but then realized how stupid that would be. Starving myself is NOT the answer, although I thought really hard about it. I guess I'm going to have to do this the hard way and bring my metabolism up. I can't believe how upset I am about this.

Things with my Mom are a little better. She has mellowed out some and been more personable, but I'm not biting it. I keep myself polite but quiet around her, and avoid spending time alone with her. Unfortunately we can't move out ~ we don't make enough money to and we have pets. I think the best thing in the world for my Mom and I's relationship would be to live separately but fairly close. Probably a 15 minute drive would be good. We love each other, but you put 2 depressed people in the same household and it's not a good thing…especially when one is an angry depressive and the other is a sad depressive.  The sad depressive gets eaten alive.

Other than that there's nothing to really report…I've got to go help my son with his homework. I can't wait to go to bed tonight. (sigh)


  1. ancientgeekcrone 8 years ago

    Dear Keya,

    you don't believe it but you are quite rational and coping very well. Keep up the good work.

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  2. Andie372 8 years ago

     Hope you have a great ride tomorrow.  Definitelty see your psychiatrist.  Weight gain is a terrible side effect, one which I've had in the past.  When you're already depressed, it makes it even worse with a weight issue.


    Glad things with your Mom are calm for the moment.  By the way is your Mom seeking treatment for her depression?  

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