I could cry and cry and cry all day and Zach wouldn't even notice… why do I go on pretending like he cares about me at all… Somehow I'll convince myself of it again…. and I'm back to being here, alone, feeling stupid, worthless… It's so fuckin dumb. omfg it's so dumb. I want to break something it's so dumb… I want to fuckin kill something it's so fuckin dumb. I am soangry! I can't even cry right now I'm so angry. God damn. It's times like these I realize that nothing in the fuckin world matters. There is nothing! It's always going to be stupid bullshit. My whole life. This is what I am and will always be. Fuck trying to make a better life for myself. It's pointless. My heart will always be black and selfish…. Fuck every person that has ever existed. I hate everyone. I hate happy people that laugh and joke and smile like they're so fuckin smart. I hate hating myself because I can't be like them. I hate myself. I'm so fuckin tired of ranting… but this is all I'm thinking right now. It's like a broken fuckin record. It makes no sense, but this is my mind. I'm so fuckin tired of being me but I can't fuckin help it. I try to fuckin change and it's never fuckin enough. Screw me and my life and my ambitions and my troubles and my cares and my emotions and my thoughts and my voice and my everything! God I want to die right now. I don't care at all right now. I don't fuckin care about anything! I'm glad. I'm going to quit caring. It only causes me pain. So fuck feelin anything. Fuck being "right" or trying. Fuck the idiots in the world that can't realize that there are other fuckin people other than themselves. Fuck all those idiots. I'm fuckin tired of caring about idiots that can't even comprehend that I exist. Here comes the crying again… I'm a fuckin wreck of a person. That's all I'll ever fuckin be. I should just go sleep for a couple days.

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