I could cry and cry and cry all day and Zach wouldn't even notice… why do I go on pretending like he cares about me at all… Somehow I'll convince myself of it again…. and I'm back to being here, alone, feeling stupid, worthless… It's so fuckin dumb. omfg it's so dumb. I want to break something it's so dumb… I want to fuckin kill something it's so fuckin dumb. I am soangry! I can't even cry right now I'm so angry. God damn. It's times like these I realize that nothing in the fuckin world matters. There is nothing! It's always going to be stupid bullshit. My whole life. This is what I am and will always be. Fuck trying to make a better life for myself. It's pointless. My heart will always be black and selfish…. Fuck every person that has ever existed. I hate everyone. I hate happy people that laugh and joke and smile like they're so fuckin smart. I hate hating myself because I can't be like them. I hate myself. I'm so fuckin tired of ranting… but this is all I'm thinking right now. It's like a broken fuckin record. It makes no sense, but this is my mind. I'm so fuckin tired of being me but I can't fuckin help it. I try to fuckin change and it's never fuckin enough. Screw me and my life and my ambitions and my troubles and my cares and my emotions and my thoughts and my voice and my everything! God I want to die right now. I don't care at all right now. I don't fuckin care about anything! I'm glad. I'm going to quit caring. It only causes me pain. So fuck feelin anything. Fuck being "right" or trying. Fuck the idiots in the world that can't realize that there are other fuckin people other than themselves. Fuck all those idiots. I'm fuckin tired of caring about idiots that can't even comprehend that I exist. Here comes the crying again… I'm a fuckin wreck of a person. That's all I'll ever fuckin be. I should just go sleep for a couple days.
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not really sure about myself…
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Addiction, Grief, Stress, 4
No matter how much i seem to accomplish or work through, does any of it even matter, in the...
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Self Worth
Mac_Manners, , Depression, Self Esteem, Weight Loss, 0
So recently I've been trying to find some kind of self worth. This is probably harder than trying to...
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Myself
tladie21, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Weight Loss, 0
It's 3:00 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I have to be up in three hours but my mind will...
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TOO MANY EMOTIONS
viannathumblina, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 2
For years I have been told to write about the way I feel. A few minutes ago I found...
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Seven Layers of Hell
CivilSouvenir, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, PTSD, Relationships, Religion, Sexual Abuse, 0
He’s telling everyone I was abused as a child (which is not true). And he is telling everyone that...
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Growing up is hard but nessasary
BaleFire, , Depression, ADHD, Anger, Autism, Child, Depression, OCD, Parenting, Personality Disorder, Questions, Relationships, Weight Loss, 0
The hypocrisy of the people around me is overwhelming. yesterday, while trying to explain my feelings and thoughts to...
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What are thoughts?
neverafailure, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 1
I don't understand. It feels as though my family always wants to bring me down. I know they don't...
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Just nothing
snowdreamer, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
I got to sleep in again this morning and it felt good until I got up and then it's...