Its like a merry-go-round that never stops spinning…

That mind of mine.

So dark.

So disconnected from myself. From those I wanted so badly to just love.

Then the chaos comes – a rush of familiarity that comforts the crying inside of my soul

With every ounce of myself that is left I sabotage everyone and everything around me in my feeble attempt of protecting whats lost inside so deeply – yet wanting out of its cage.

Then the self hatred begins. Self sabotage. Self harm. Self destruct.

Over and over.

Round and round.

Until I am too weak to snap anymore.

Too scared to die.

Too scared to move.

All I have left anymore is puddles of guilt.

Endless I’m sorry’s.

Am I too insane to love or trust again?

Am I too far gone?

I don’t want to lose it all again.

Don’t let me get me.