Okay, kill me NOW.

All weekend one kid had his usual 103 (lower end of high for him!)to 105 degree fevers… Flu, bug (that term is awful considering the rest of our life!), bad cold.. who knows. He gets sick, the high fevers come and stay for almost a week. Noticed fever on Saturday, after he went to church with his dad and little brother. Treated as necessary, mostly concerned with keeping the temp down. Cross fingers regarding febrile seizures, none yet, still scared every fever as to how high a temp his little brain has decided is good to kill "bugs".

Little one seemed fine, now running 102, today.. not so worried. His brain doesn’t seem to need to try to fry the living hell outta whatever virus he catches.

Spent the weekend worried about fevers… then had 8 year old take a bath, hadn’t pushed it him into finally doing it until monday afternoon, as he was so miserable already. He takes his bath, washes his hair, everything seems fine. Hadn’t given 2 year old a bath since sometime last week… he wants to now stay in bath for hours with toys, after 2 years of standing showers only, silly thing. Plus his hair is (was) a b*tch to take care of each time. The whole cutie curly head thing was part of him… and a pain. Condition to hell and back and then untangle all the little curls he helps tangle by twirling sections in his fingers 24/7. Suppose that little ocd like tic is now long-gone now though.

Icks me out to no end… but did the normal detangling with my fingers for over 10 minutes in the bath, rinsed out conditioner, fought him to get out of bath tub (this was a shower only bath, I had no patience for the hour long kind with other kid running hellish fevers!) and sat him on sink counter to finish our continuous struggle with his curls. Grabbed MY brush to start (UGH!) and saw a f*cking bug or ten, I honestly freaked and went hysterical for a while after this. Called husband into bathroom to have him look. He looked and ran off to computer to confirm. Damnit of course it was headlice, just couldn’t deal with automatically or calmly saying that myself at the time.

We probably traumatized the children over the next few hours, with mommy crying hysterically and refusing to touch her own child. I feel like sh*t for that, of course. I immediately agreed to the cut all his hair off thing. 6 inches of curls and bugs, hell no. Husband had to run to store to get poisons to wash through kids hair, of course the older one had it too. Once I had calmed down, after a thorough breakdown of course, I had checked the older one by using an old credit card and tweezers. Found at least 10 LIVE big-ass bugs in his hair. His hair was just cut like 2 weeks ago so it was short to begin with.

Anyways, husband (ogre at this point, very pissed at me for his having to take care of it, alone, for two kids while I’m uselessly falling apart and cleaning the beds, living room, throwing any stuffed animal into bags, you get the idea.) used some shaving clipper thing he uses on his own facial hair to buzz both kids. Buzzed 8 year old twice, as we STILL found live crap running around on his head after the poison and first shave down.

It is now only 3 days later and I am freaking scared to death to touch my children. Have spent hours online reading about the damn things… Nice to find out that lice has become resistant to OTC poison and that the prescription stuff may have caused permanent damage and/or death (!) in other peoples’ cases. Plus all the numerous home remedies that may or may not work. Ugh.

Awful parent am I. Now I have ogre telling me I am over reacting. I have bags and bags of laundry, stuffed animals, comforters all over. White bags= clean, washed stuff. Black = next in the laundry line or leave it the fuck alone until anything possibly alive in it is truely the f*ck dead. I don’t want to reexpose the white bagged stuff to my kids closets or my kids in general. Right now I look at them and all I can think of is the lifecycle of the freaking louse and all the eggs/nits that are there waiting to attack.

Aside from my need to itch whenever thinking about this, which with the OCD is ALL the time, there is no sign on my own head of hair. Have even had to check my husband’s hair twice. Yuck. Nothing, doesn’t mean I want to look though. I swear I am waking up pissed off at the world and having nightmares over this. I have a thing about people staring/touching me/my hair/skin/nails, you name it I hate it. Have yet to allow anyone anywhere near my own head, even though I should.

Have spent hours parting my hair in the mirror looking for anything that could mean I have the awful thing. First time I checked I found a freaking grey/white hair! Right in the middle of my head. Hey, I’m 31, I know it is bound to be soon, but attribute the hair to my literal freak out after finding the bug. I swear it is like Rouge’s character in X-men movie. Near death experience = instance sprout of grey hair, feel lucky my whole head didn’t go grey. (It was more white… might be that I have curly hair and am destined to white, impossibly coarse, impossible to dye hair later on).
 

Will stop while I’m behind. Husband is right, I am allowing my obsessiveness to drive me insane right now. While no signs on my own person, I still feel the need to do something. Olive oil is now sitting atop my head, under a flouresent pink shower cap and bandana. Will wash it out in a few hours, not days please, and use a vineager rinse. Then to further torture my hair will dye it. Haven’t done so since before x-mas and damn my dark brown roots are like 2 inches long. The rest is fake red, my poison of choice I guess. Fake red again it is, and Feria too, the worst possible boxed dye. Maybe the damaging effects of this evil hair dye will kill anything waiting to get me. Just my own insanity here.

Didn’t stop while behind lol. Hard to stop typing once started. Maybe will calm down enough later to go into the "nitty" gritty (haha) part of our NOT reading the head lice notice received the same night the in-laws decided they were coming to town and MIL was staying here. Great. Missed what I consider one of the most important warnings in life due to family strife and v-day cards to be finished up that night. Kid didn’t even mention in-school check they did that day. Will finish later, before I go into the rest of my rant. Ugh.

Sorry if you now are itchy!

-fina ^.,.^@~