- So when I was younger around the age 11 I discovered pornography I viewed porn and master bated every day sometimes multiple times a day. I became a sex addict when one day I was taken advantage of by a gay kid around age 12 I did some homosexual things with him just out of curiosity and attraction to anything sexual pretty much as I was clearly a sex addict. I didn\’t have any feelings for it it was just more of a curiosity type thing it only lasted for a week, from those experiences forward I had never questioned liking men and had only been interested in woman I was still addicted to porn by the time I got to high school and I mainly focused on lesbian pornography, I was hooked on porn up until march of last year when I stopped watching porn and master bating all together in July I sobered up from my addiction. I have also had a girl friend for a year and a half now and have never questioned my sexuality, until one day about a month ago when I just suddenly lost interest in everything and hit depression I even lost interest in her, that same day I remembered having a gay thought and I didn\’t think much of it, the next day I caught myself look at a guy that bent over at work and began to question.. are you gay? At this point I was freaked out and began to question myself more and more and the thought of you are gay, or are you gay just kept coming and coming and getting worse, I was terrified at this point and then it only got worse when I thought into the past and thought that I have had thoughts of some men being handsome or good looking. Then every single guy on the street I would look at and get some anxiety some my mind would say you are attracted and others I would just notice it freaked me out and made me go crazy. Then when I look at my girlfriend I feel nothing but when we kiss I get a boner but feel no sexual pleasure and when I look at hot girls I feel blank, and then when I look at a guy I overthink and think I am attracted to them or at least I think I\’m overthinking? I tried having gay thoughts and seeing if I got aroused and nothing but genital movement like others mention in their symptoms, but when I thought of sex with a girl sometimes I would get nothing or an erection. finally I was roaming the internet and discovered HOCD and it gave me some releif and I got a psychiatrist just last week and she said I have OCD but I\’m still skeptical and lost in doubts. What do you guys think am I gay or is it hocd?
Now I am terrified before I had sleeping pills I stayed up all night worrying and couldn\’t stop thinking I was or if I was gay and the thoughts continued through the days they were never ending it was a never ending doubt of you are gay, or are you gay? Now it\’s so common that sometimes I don\’t even get anxiety and then I freak out because I\’m not anxious about it, please please help do
I have OCD or am I actually gay in denial?
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