ehh

I don’t really know how to sum up the last week.  The holidays are ruined due to being fired the day before thanksgiving.  I was thankful my mother did not make people go around the table and tell what they were thankful for.  But, if I had to, I would have said that it was nice to have a family whoknows when to not disect the daylights out of something that sucks for me.  Yeah, I’m gonna get over myself and find a new horizon and such, but it doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel hurt and betrayed yatta yatta.  I wasn’t seeking sympathy, but a human, just one human to understand that I cannot let people get away with treating others like @#$%.  I wanted revenge and that is only the human in me talking.  I hope that the next group of people I meet won’t be so coniving and every man for himself, but that might be stretching it.  What ever happened to manners in this world?  Are we so caught up in the frenzy of watching our own backs that openeing a door for a woman is an insult to her independence?  That allowing an elderly man go down narrow steps before you is an insult?  What happened to this place that we are so touchy and PC that nothing can be said without a PTA soccer mom commitee coming after you because their child "might get cultured"?  I have never been so embarassed to be alive right now.  And that might be my problem right now.  I was seeking justice and the one person I thought I could trust to deliver it humiliated me and cast me out when all I was doing was making sure the bitch who got my job wasn’t hanging it over my head.  It is no wonder when I think about it, but it still doesn’t mean that I don’t feel ashamed of myself for saying anything.  That I don’t miss the income.  Yes, I’m embarassed.  I guess I felt betrayed because I hung out with these people and trusted them.  I am learning so much right now, that I have become numb.  I’m at a crossroads in my life when I don’t want to commit suicide,yet I don’t want to live.  I need a holiday.  A very long holiday where the places I visit can help put back pieces of myself in the struggle to forget what and why I was wrong and to focus on a new chapter ahead of me.  But, it isn’t that easy for me to be that optomistic.  Right now, I am doing what I am suppossed to because it is what’s expected of me.  I have been told to stay busy, but that only covers the issue.  I have a lot to think about. 

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