So here goes…I've been struggling with all of this for awhile, and I'm not sure exactly where to start. Some would say the beginning, but honestly I can't remember when I started to feel this way.
When I was in high school I tried to kill myself, my father stopped me, and my parents took me to the doc, but all they did was prescribe pills. I took the pills but it only made it worse. So the doc took me off the pills but no further steps were taken. I was basically left to fend for myself, well emotionally anyways.
I got married and we move to Texas, things were hard. I don't remember much about Texas, but I remember fighting with my husband alot, and I remember us deciding it wasn't worth it, I remember waking up screaming and crying when he left, but everything else is a giant blur.
When I moved back home we reconnected and we worked things out, it all seemed to be going very well. I wasn't sad anymore, I didn't feel alone, we were happy. Then things started happening while he was at work.
Someone was making my life a living hell. It started with small things, an incense burner went missing, then a rose was left on the doorstep. Things escalated from there, guess we weren't giving them the attention they wanted… They jammed a small branch under my windshield wipers making the wipers unusable, they loosened my husband's lug nuts on his car, they left footsteps leading to the back porch. But that still wasn't enough, I was home alone alot at night because my husband was working swing shift. Suddenly it became my most feared time of day.
This person was becoming more bold. I came home one day and they had opened our gate and been bold enough to approach our dog and set him loose. I thought I would never see that dog again but eventually he came home. Next night they came pounding on the door, while I was in the house, screaming all sort of obscenities. I was scared for my life.
Finally one night, my husband and I were sleeping, and I'm not sure exactly what woke me up but the stranger was standing over our bed, I was so groggy though that I fell back asleep attributing it to a dream, same night I reawoke and went down the hall towards the living room. The doggy door on the left side of the hallway was propped open…it didn't take too long to register why. I fled back to our bedroom and slammed and locked the door. This woke up my husband, he did the man thing and opened the door with some sort of weapon, I think he had a baseball bat, and headed down the hall, he saw the intruder fleeing the kitchen out of the ONE window that won't lock. When we called the cops and they searched the house they found that the doggy door was propped open with a pitchfork, and our dog was restrained within his dog house. Luckily the animal wasn't hurt. We moved after that.
It still haunts my dreams though. After that incident I lost all progress I had made on my emotional front. A year later my husband was deployed, and that threw me further into my emotional abyss. He's back now, but no matter how hard I try, I just keep sinking. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I hate drowning in this endless emotional sea. I feel defeated and alone. And I have no one to talk to. So…here I am, reaching out, hoping that someone happens to pass by and can help me to calm these waters….