Dear Boyfriend,

I met you and for me it was like a love story. You were 15 years older than me, and you had some definite quirks. Things not a lot of people would understand. But I could dig it. I thought the world of you.

You didn't like that I was on anti-depressants. They are bad. You don't know the long-term effects. I am so worried about you. This was your refrain to me.

I worked with my doctor, I tried to taper off the drugs. I cut the dosage in half (with my doc's supervision) and over the weaks the followed my thoughts got darker, I was anxious, I couldn't concentrate, and I did my best to hide this all from you because I really wanted to succeed. And I didn't want to lose you. Because I loved you.

Then I had a "meltdown". You didn't know about it because you had the convenience of not living in the same state as me. I couldn't stop crying. I tested the patience of my family and friends with my constant need for reassurance and my inability to see anything positive. I missed work. I immediately started up with a counselor.

I didn't tell you right away. I wanted to tell you in person. Then last night you asked about it on the phone. I didn't want to lie to you, so I told you the truth. Instead of the support and love I've given you, you reduced me to the size of a peanut. You told me "I went backwards" and "I clearly didn't understand you and what you were about"that you had been "lying to yourself" andI was just like everybody else who didn't understand your concern with these types ofdrugs.

You didn't once asked me how I was doing or howI was feeling? You didn't reassure me that perhaps another time, I might try again — atime when I am not working a full time job and in a grad school program.

It was all about you.

I don't know how you can say you love someone and curse at them and fail to acknowledge their pain at all.I would think, of all people, YOU would be the one to understand. YOU who have been stigmatized for your view on prescription drugs (that they are poison). I understand you had a terrible experience, and I feel for you as much as I can. I know what it's like to have a condition that people DON'T understand. A condition that is stigmatized. But you didn't understand. And not only did you not understand… You reduced me to nothing.

I respect you and I've never been anything but supportive.Even if you disagree with me.Even if you can't date me anymore (which you didn't definitively say, notsurewhat I amgoing todo with that planeticket…)I didn't deserve that. It was cruel.


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