Sigh… I think I've reached my limit… I can't do this anymore… This life has knocked me down & I don't wanna get back up anymore… I hate life with a passion… Suicide crosses my mind all the time… If I had a gun I wouldn't hesitate or think twice. I mean it… I've been "emotional & suicidal" before, but this is different… I'm not saying this out of emotion or distress… My judgement isn't clouded by irrational thoughts & feelings right now. I'm entirely calm & emotionless as I type this. I have lost my will to live… I don't wanna exist anymore… I'm not even gonna bother with the details, it's pointless anyway… Besides, who really cares? Caring &sympathizing is two very different things…I've learnt that I'm not alone in my suffering, but that doesn't change anything… Nothing I could ever do would take awaythe pain… I can only learn to deal with it. And I don't want to anymore… Again, I'm not gonna bother with the details leading to my current state of mind. But I no longer wanna be a victim of this cycle… I'm done… I've been told in the past that it's selfish of me to take my own life, because I'd behurting those closest to me… But… Isn't it also selfish from those closest to me to expect meto keep on living/suffering because theyhave feelings for me? Aren't I entitled to decide my own fate? No one seems to care when someone's alive, but in their death, suddenly they value that person & miss them immensely.Life isn't worth much to me any longer…I even told my mother, in the calmest of voice, that if I happen todie orcommit suicide, that it's not their fault… I can't persist any longer… So until I'm fortunate enough to leave this life, I wish to fall asleep & never wake up…
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O2. letter to my mom.
littlefighter, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Medication, PTSD, Relationships, Self Esteem, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Therapist, 0
Thanks everyone for the comments on my first blog entry. I wanted to share with you the letter I...
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Again
imogen, , Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
go me i fucked up again thats all i ever do. fuck up. i didnt even do anything that...
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House and Mom
sadviolinist, , Depression, Depression, Grief, Therapist, 1
I'm sitting on the back porch listening to the unusual call of the sandhill cranes flying overhead ~ such...
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Famous First & Last Words
SaintJimmy, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Anger, Anxiety, Autism, Child, Depression, Grief, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, 1
My name is Oaklen Michael Gallagher-Armstrong. I am a thirteen-year-old trans-bisexual male living an extremely closeted lifestyle. I still...
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So lost
oncehappynowsad, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Relationships, 0
spelling mistakes and i dont care Im 23 years old and have depression. I recently have been treated with...
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Back
sadjac, , Depression, Addiction, Sleep Disorders, 0
Well i''m back! after a month (or even more) dissapearance from DT. I finally got my computer back up...
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First we die and then we deal
crapweesel, , Depression, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, 1
My sister's best friend's dog just shit runny poop on the carpet and since I am the only one...
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Weatherman
case, , Depression, Relationships, 0
Last night I sat at the edge of my bed and debated wether or not to take an antidepressant....
Good advice from the others. It helps me when I volunteer and help others. Doesn't even have to be something that has contact with a lot of people (shelving books at a library, sorting food at a food bank). You have to find a purpose. Like FortyFour said, find a dream and pursue it.
Are you under the care of a doctor or therapist? If not I would highly recommend it. Look for a support group. In the US, NAMI is a good place to start. (National Alliance for Mental Illness). Maybe there is something similar in South Africa.