Sigh… I think I've reached my limit… I can't do this anymore… This life has knocked me down & I don't wanna get back up anymore… I hate life with a passion… Suicide crosses my mind all the time… If I had a gun I wouldn't hesitate or think twice. I mean it… I've been "emotional & suicidal" before, but this is different… I'm not saying this out of emotion or distress… My judgement isn't clouded by irrational thoughts & feelings right now. I'm entirely calm & emotionless as I type this. I have lost my will to live… I don't wanna exist anymore… I'm not even gonna bother with the details, it's pointless anyway… Besides, who really cares? Caring &sympathizing is two very different things…I've learnt that I'm not alone in my suffering, but that doesn't change anything… Nothing I could ever do would take awaythe pain… I can only learn to deal with it. And I don't want to anymore… Again, I'm not gonna bother with the details leading to my current state of mind. But I no longer wanna be a victim of this cycle… I'm done… I've been told in the past that it's selfish of me to take my own life, because I'd behurting those closest to me… But… Isn't it also selfish from those closest to me to expect meto keep on living/suffering because theyhave feelings for me? Aren't I entitled to decide my own fate? No one seems to care when someone's alive, but in their death, suddenly they value that person & miss them immensely.Life isn't worth much to me any longer…I even told my mother, in the calmest of voice, that if I happen todie orcommit suicide, that it's not their fault… I can't persist any longer… So until I'm fortunate enough to leave this life, I wish to fall asleep & never wake up…

1 Comment
  1. elf 8 years ago

    Good advice from the others. It helps me when I volunteer and help others. Doesn't even have to be something that has contact with a lot of people (shelving books at a library, sorting food at a food bank). You have to find a purpose. Like FortyFour said, find a dream and pursue it.

    Are you under the care of a doctor or therapist? If not I would highly recommend it. Look for a support group. In the US, NAMI is a good place to start. (National Alliance for Mental Illness). Maybe there is something similar in South Africa.

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