Sooo, the boyfriend and I had some conversations about this topic. He has decided that this is my choice to make and that he has no right in stopping me from doing what I want. I can't really argue with that.

I guess you could say that I'm rather pleased. Like, I won't feel bad taking this job anymore. I can just dance. That's what I want to do anyway. And if it's shit, I'll quit. I'm not letting myself go bad. No drugs, no sex, no self esteem issues, nothing. I'm just gonna be me, and if the strip joint can't handle that, then I'm gone. But, if the job is just like the audition, then I'm in. Heh.

I actually texted like 15 or 20 people last night, getting their opinions on this subject. Most of them said that it would be a bad idea, but wouldn't/couldn't explain why. The few who said yes mainly told me that I should do what I want, and that if it means dancing on a stage, then do it. They seem to care more about to fun I'm having, and just me doing what I enjoy in general. The others have concerns. Like, what will happen to my self esteem. Like, my youngest brother is worried about how I will see myself while I'm working there, or after I quit. And that's a pretty legitimate concern.

Another thing to consider is the atmosphere I'll be around. There will be alcohol the whole time I'm there, and my family has a history of alcoholics. It probably doesn't help that I binge drink occasionally. But, to me, this is work. And as a worker, I don't drink. I've learned that with my past experience. Drinking is not something I'll accept while on the job. It fucks up my real views making my decision-making into bad choices. If I'm going to be a dancer, I want to have a good head on my shoulders.

I want to be able to make the right decisions and not worry about making mistakes, or blacking out while on the job. This is mainly for the experience, and to enjoy an experience, I'd have to actually remember it. That's the whole goal anyway. And I am NOT getting anywhere NEAR drugs. If they are around, I'm gone.

From the shit I've read about, it seems like the Columbus police are cracking down on the clubs here. I suppose that's a good thing. Then again, it makes me wonder, "how bad must it really be for them to even have a reason to check?" ya know? I guess it's just something to see with my own eyes. This way I can just come up with my own opinion on this topic instead of questinoing other people about their opinions. Like, the main reason why they probably can't even explain why they're against it is because they don't have personal experience AS a stripper. I'm basically asking the wrong people for advice.

And I don't have to trust other peoples' judgements. Just because one person doesn't like something doesn't mean all people dislike the same thing. it also doesn't mean that it's even a bad thing to do. It IS a legal job and relatively safe, as any job. Maybe it's a little wilder than most jobs, but it's better than killing people in the military. Or at least that's what I think. Maybe it's a bit seductive. Like, the whole point of the job is to be sexy. The sexier a person is, the more money that person will make. I happen to really enjoy being sexy, and if this is a place for me to take out my sexy energy, then so be it. At least I'll be getting paid to share my goods.

My boyfriend came up with this thing like a week ago. Basically, it's the difference between "sexy" and "sexual." I am a very "sexy" person in public. I enjoy doing "sexy" things. But, as far as being "sexual" goes? I save that for the boyfriend. I feel like that is ONLY for my boyfriend. No one else gets that side of me.

Enough of this. Time to spend some timewith the boyfriend. ^_^


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