I started school again, last Wednesday. It was the first time I’ve ever come home from school and wondered if I could handle my course load (this is my Junior year of high school). American Studies 2 Honors, Honors Physics, Spanish 3, Advanced Placement Literature, Precalculus, and what I’m really afraid of- Advanced Placement European History.
I don’t really remember why I’m taking Euro, though there are some small reasons I usually pose as excuses. I like the teacher. I enjoy the subject. It’s useful for me in Academic Team. But those things don’t really mean anything.
The class is the hardest offered at my high school. The teacher, Mr. *, teaches at the local college, and promises to teach us at a graduate school level, so that when we test in the spring to receive college credit for the course, the test will be easy for us. I don’t even need the credit- I’m going to college for zoology.
We have our first test this Tuesday, and I’m scared. I’ve always been the smartest person in whatever classroom I happen to be sitting with. But in Euro, everyone is as or more intelligent as I am. The chapter we’re being tested on is over 40 pages long. Thank goodness I like Mr. *’s lectures, or I’d be even less prepared than I already am.
My mom is pushing me to drop the class. If I did, I could take band with my friends instead, and add Creative Writing, too. But I’ve been quitting all my life. I feel like I really need to prove to myself that I can be successful when it’s really hard as well as when it’s easy. Problem is, I’m a wreck right now. I can’t quit and add another piece of evidence to myself that I can’t handle things, but I’m so afraid to fail. My mother isn’t very helpful on the subject, because she can’t be objective. She keeps saying how much time it’s going to eat up. But I can’t just keep quitting in my life every time I have to work for something. I want to prove to myself, my friends, my parents, my classmates, and my teacher that I can push through and be successful. But somehow I’m still afraid that I really can’t do it.