Well, finally plucked up the courage and went to my dr the other day. (He's gorgeous, btw! So inappropriate – v embarressed). He changed me from sertraline to Prozac, and this time I think I will be able to keep with it and take them regularly, especially as my folks are reminding me everyday. Only admitted to myself a few nights ago how very very depressed I actually was. it's painful, but gives me something positive too -by admitting it I can now sincerely try to combat it, so given time I ought to get better. the only light in my life so far has been my baby girl, who is thriving, and with whom I have a very close, loving relationship. She is only 8 and a half months, but she can say grandad, dada and mama, and up when she wants to be picked up. She's v advanced, because she says these things in context – dada to her daddy and only when he's there, and mama to me – oh, and she waves and says bye bye to me when I go to work! I'm so proud. I talk to her all the time, and tell her what I'm doing, and why, and the health visitor said because I am v intelligent and do that, it's not too suprising she is learning early.
The depression is whittling my life away, so I have taken action. I feel so very lonely alot of the time. My ex has been playing mind games since we split, which really doesnt help. I wish my mind ruled all, because my love for him though waning hasn't gone yet, and these games do hurt and confuse me. I'm getting alot better though. I see him for what he is and his immense and overbearing selfishness has really shocked me – I can't believe I tolerated that for so long. I hope you are all ok. Will be back to the site more often now. xx