Guilt seems to be my constant companion. LoL any chance a Guilt Tribe is going to premier here soon?

I feel guilt that my depression robs me of the energy, motivation and inspiration that my children require of me to thrive. They are young enough that when I am solely surviving….it causes them to solely survive also. Its so very not fair to them and not what I want for them.

Guilt over my marriage. Depression did not cause our problems but it is getting in the way of us fixing the problems.

Guilt at allowing a known abuser to get close to me once again. Putting myself and my family in danger. Why did I do that?

I feel guilt over our financial troubles. We are trying to pay down debt yet I have not worked in 5 months and now I am draining our funds with prescription needs and therapy needs and doc visits. I feel like it takes things right out of my kids hands and mouths (because sometimes it really does).

I feel guilt that I have life pretty good yet I am completely incapable of enjoying it because of this depression. I am missing out on so much and I hate that. With a passion.

Guilt that my Grandpa is dying and I have left him and Grandma all alone when we moved. Yes they have their chilren there but they dont really help them. There is nothing that I can do form this far away except call them.

I am sure there are more, but the biggest one is that I feel guilt for feeling so guilty. Why cant I just do the best I can and be ok with that? I just want to be able to be proud of myself again. And to smile for real once in a while. I hope that is not a dream that is unrealistic for me.

2 Comments
  1. JA 9 years ago

    no mom is perfect so dont be so hard on yourself,,,,,your children love you no matter what and you love them…you may not be the perfect mom you want to be but you are there for your children and love them right?

    my sister volunteered for community work at a childrens center. alot of children who were abanded and hurt in so many ways you could never imagine why a mother would do that……

    one baby that my sister held would become very attached to anyone who held her because her mom would put her in the closet with crackers for days at  a time without any lights….i think she was partialy? blind because she was left in the dark for so long and she did not develope her eyesite?

    my sister would tell me some sad stories about these children….

    so if you feel like your a bad mom you arent….just becuase this depression is kiking your butt it doesnt mean that you should feel bad for helping yourself…you need to help you to help them? does that make sense?

    if they were literaly starving and you couldnt pay your electricity then i might worry about getting tht job and working around the therapy……

    your not that mom who left your babies in the dark closet……………

     

     

     

     

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  2. Steph_jn 9 years ago

    Thank you JA and camino.  Thank you

     

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