Jun 23 2014

OCD – my primary battle. I have a lot of things that go along w/ this. Some of them are so minor that they've become a part of my daily routine without my realizing it, while others can lead into full on panic attacks. All of my obsessions/compulsions are horrifying to me because they all seem to be involved w/ the fear of hurting others. My greatest fear is hurting someone else and my fear manifests itself in the form of checking on people/things to make sure that I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I know I haven't. After all, I did just say it is my biggest fear. Somehow sneaky little thoughts creep in and take the form of doubts. Once the thoughts have found their way into my brain, it's all a matter of understanding the workings of my overactive mind. "Well, maybe I should just check…" "what if I accidentally…" "what if that wasn't what I thought it was…"

Here's an example:

A "normal" person blows out the candle and doesn't give it a second thought before leaving the house. He/she knows that they blew it out.

I or someone w/ OCD may blow out the candle before getting ready to leave, looks at it 1,2, maybe 3 times until it feels right, touches the candle wick to make sure it's out, puts the lid on the candle & continues getting ready to leave. Once out the door, sneaky thoughts creep in "what if it wasn't all the way out & it catches fire?" "If it catches fire, it could hurt the neighbors and pets and it would be all my fault. I could never live with myself." Goes in, repeats the routine and then leaves.

This is the shit I'm dealing with. It's so silly. I know I'm a good person. I know I would never hurt anyone intentionally & I'm probably the least likely person to hurt anyone accidentally because I take so many damn precautions, but here I am. Dealing w/ these daily struggles and trying to do my best.

I'm open to suggestions of what has helped other OCD strugglers…