No matter how hard I try I will never be successful. I mean I stepped on the scale today and in 2 weeks I lost 5 lbs…not good enough considering I really really really want to lose 15 more in the next month before vacation! Even if I just lose 7 lbs so that I'm at least a few pounds under 120…I'd be happy with being 115 for vacation…I just wish I could hurry up and be like 105lbs already =/ or even 108…i'd settle for that.

But weight isnt the only thing I'm totally failing on right now. I'm stressing for school because I have a month to complete all of my school work so I can walk across the stage for graduation (a month and a half to be able to graduate) but I HAVE to walk across that stage. Not to mention this week I TOTALLY forgot about my college class so I have 2 late assignments already that need to be made up today.

Plus I started a 12 day fast yesterday to lose some weight annd cleanse my body and I ended up eating like 700 calories yesterday =( I normally dont eat more than 500 in a day! so today I had 190 calories to get me through my work load and thats it for the next 11 days…I cannot fail this fast too or I will hate myself forever.

Plus there is no way in hell i'll be relaxing at my dads on saturday and sunda…actually I'm taking my laptop with me for the first time there just to get mroe work done. I havent seen him in a while but it doesnt matter…while they eat I think I'll hop on and get work done.

The whole point of this rambling blog was for me to just put everything down and out there so I could get my goals straight. I need to be perfect- anything less is unnaceptable. I'm sick of being a failure…

3 Comments
  1. SaltWaterDrinker 9 years ago

     Look, 500 calories a day is terrible–and I mean terrible–for your body, metabolism, brain, and mood.  If you are that eager to lose weight, have a look at Ann Louise Gittleman's Fat Flush Plan.  It's a solid nutritional platform (with plenty of mood boosting healthy fats) but, man, does it blast off excess weight.

    Geneen Roth is another author you might want to check out.  She writes about women, food, and body image.  

    Please take care of yourself.  And good luck with the school work!  I am on deadline, myself.

     

     

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  2. cdseverance 9 years ago

    " I need to be perfect- anything less is unnaceptable." I wanna start with that. It is awesome to be a go getter in life but "perfectionism" is a very hard title to live up to. I value your post and you seem like a very determined person. I too used to try and be perfect and be #1 at everything I did…….so I know the feeling by heart. It took me nearly my whole life but I learned that being positive and being an OPTIMIST is good enough. Love yourself for who you are as you only get one shot at life. Sure, have goals and constantly work on improving……….but realize their are always gonna be bumps in the road.

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  3. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    You are going to ruin your health, doing what you are doing. Besides that, the weight loss causes the body to react more intensely to events in your life. You do not sound as though you could withstand more reactivity than you are now experiencing.

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