I know it has been a long time since I've been on here. It's mainly because I forgot my username and I lost my laptop. It's in my apartment somewhere, I just don't know where so I guess my phone will have to do. Basically, I feel like a lot is falling apart. Just like my apartment, my life's a mess and I honestly have no clue how to fix it. After I turned 20 I signed up for some bar tending classes in a near by city and I was excited for a new job path. Well, somehow it wasn't enough to keep me going. It's been almost 6 months since I made a huge mistake and broke up with the love of my life. He won't take me back and I don't blame him, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's hard to get over someone I spent 2.5 years with… I kind of feel like he hates me now and I don't think there is anyone else out there for me which is a real downer. Then next Wednesday is 6 years since my fathers passing and that just tears me apart. Being a daddy's girl, I really miss him. Now moms moving out of my childhood house in 20 days and she'll be moving into a two bedroom condo for her and my brother which kind of hurts me but I guess since I moved out, I asked for it. Anyways, I've been feeling very down recently and after taking a little depression quiz online, I realized I can't remember the last time I was legitimately happy. So I've taken a leave from school and I'm going to spend some time to pull myself together. The problem is I need to get the drive and strength to do so. That's the part I lack. Well, wish me luck and I hope to blog some more. It seems to help.