I never know how to start my journal entries. I always feel I need to give a little history before just jumping in, since everything is so complicated. So I guess I'll give a little intoduction. I'm a 34 year-old mom of one son who is 14. We have lived on the West Coast since we were born.I'm not married and just started seein gmy sons dad again after 13 years who is struggles with mental ilness as well. I have suffred from general and socail anxiety as long as I can remember. I have been a little better lately- I mean I can go to the store about 70% of the time. I can answer my phone now, I can go out and grab the mail but it hasn't always been like that. I even held a job for 8 years. For some, my job position looked like a joke and I was going no where and I never moved up. But that is waht I needed at the time. Something steady and part time and something I loved. And I'm dang proud of it! If they only knew what my heart felt. Socailizing with people is hell to me. Not because I don't like to, but the anxiety is so bad it's painful. Not mention I have bipolar disorder and have had symptoms since I was around 6. Young I know. Its pretty much all I know. I have never known what it is like to feel "normal" I guess. I don't know if I ever will. I have been seriously emotionally abused by my family, mostly my parents and step parent. Even though my mother is sober now and has quit meth about 13 years ago. She is still very abusive and is mentally ill. She is one of the most selfish people I have ever seen. I know it is part of her illness and I try to look past it, but I just can't. It hurts too much. I never grew up with a dad-just a step father, my dad was a vetern who had flashbacks. My grandparents raised me. They weren't the best at helping me become a fine indipendant woman or feel good about myself but I can tell they tried and that they loved me very much. They were just old fashioned in their ways. I see that now. They thought they were doing good. They tried there best. But they are both deceased now and I miss them. They are the only family that cared about me. And that Is why I am moving out of state to get away from abuse from my parents.It's so complicated I can't get in to it now but all I have been wanting the last 2plus years is to be around my sons father's mom who now is the only one who cares about me and my son. So that is a little about my situation for now.I'm a little tired today. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    I hope you accomplish what you say you need to do. It sounds fine.

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