Days like today I just feel like maybe nobody really cares. If I stopped sending out messages and pretty pictures everyday, would anyone miss me? Would anyone noticeI was gone? I try so hard to be positive and share that with everyone, but maybe that's just it ~ I try too hard. I want people to know that they are loved no matter what, and I forget to love myself. More than half the time I don't even LIKE myself. And you can't give what you don't have.
I feel like hell. Mentally, physically and especially emotionally. I don't want to be up or awake. I want to go back to sleep and ignore the world for a day,maybe two. But I know that's not going to happen, so I might as well accept it and move on. There are chores to be done, cleaning to get accomplished, laundry to be washed, animals to be fed and looked after, and a child to look after as well as a grumpy husband too. He's mad at me because I ended up sleeping on the couch last night instead ofinour bed. The cats took over it and I had no room so I left.
The last 2 days havebeen reinforcement for me that you can't always relyon friends, and some people you think are your friends really aren't. You're just a convenience for them when it's convenient for them. I'm tiredof sitting around waitingfor phonecalls that never happen, visits thatnever transpire, time together that will never be. I'm tired of somepeople being so damnunreliable when I'm always there for them. When I need them where are they? And for themost part I'm not referring to my friends here, butfriends that live nearby.
Yesterday my good mood went completelysourbecause I wasstuck playing phone tag andwaiting, waiting, waiting… And once again it was a callthat never came. I'm sickof making myselfavailable and making timefor people who don't dothe same for me. Why bother? All it does isdrain me andmakeme feel like crap.
You know what's sad? The people that need to hear this aren't the ones that willbe readingit. I wish I could copy and paste it in a text to those particular people.
I'm going to go shower since I didn't get to last night. Maybe that will make me feel somewhat better. We also have to go grocery shopping at some point today, yay. So I guess I might as well get moving and get clean so that the day can progress whether I like it or not.
It's a shame how some people can just suck you dry.And an even bigger shame when you allow them to do it. So stupid of me.