Just Been away on holiday in Kerry in the West of Ireland.
Should have been a nice relaxing week but I was stressed anxious and frustrated the entire Time.
And the weather only became nice the day we were leaving.
I was with my dad. Holidays with me and him are stressful.
I wanted some fun and he wanted to visit his family and rest.
It was really his holiday so I did mostly what he wanted.
But even though I was with family who are very nice I was so lonely.
What made it worse is that I went cold turkey from meds for ocd and depression in December and I sometimes feel I beat the OCD.
I had it for 30 years because of something I suffered as a child it emerged.
I told my mam a few years ago and my dad last year. But I am left with regret now.
I suffered for 30 years for nothing. My doctor said that I tortured myself for 30 years for no reason.
So that hurts every day. Now each day I try to live to not waste any more time. But I am very tired and very lonely.
I was treated like a leper as a teenager and even for years before hand. The song Hazard that boys not right. That is how people looked at me.
No one knew about OCD 30 years ago. And nobody wanted to be friends with someone like me. On top ot that my parents were very religious
and still are so girlfriends were not encouraged.
I have had nothing but problems for a lot of the last 30 years.
I had something on my mind and it would not let me go.
But I was terrified to speak out. But now I feel like a coward because I didn’t speak out earlier.
Life would have been so much better.
Because my family were so religious I turned to God Jesus Mary and everyone else looking for help. Begging for help.
Help never came.
I no longer pray and ask for help. Because I don’t ever want that to be part of the OCD again.
God said I am who I am. I believe in me. I don’t pray to anyone and no more begging.
A loving God should not make people beg.
If there is a God he I believe leaves us to our own devices. We are here to help ourselves and to help each other.
I live at home. My parents are religious and that is their choice. So I will never knock anyone’s religious beliefs.
But if you need help you need to ask someone.
Please don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Make your life easier and ask for help. If something is not right speak up.
Don’t be like me.
I am starting my life again and turning 40. I am depressed about losing 30 years of my life that I will never get back.
I can’t forget nor can I forgive myself for all of the pain and suffering I endured for no reason.
There is good and evil in this world. I know.
Evil relies on fear to survive.
I believe that there should be no reason for anyone to fear anything in this life.
If you fear something ask for help.
I am not here to lecture or tell people what to do. I am broken. I have no confidence. The OCD has not gone away you know. I am tired.
I am here to help where I can and to ask for help.
Ok so that is why I am here. I talk openly as possible. To get free and get help. So feel free to say what you want to me