Hi to everyone who is on this site, am new on here so i hope i don’t bore or get on your nerves to much. Just a little bit about me so at least we can get to know each other. Am a 36 year old woman named Danielle but like to be called Dannii, i am originally from Leicester and have spent at least 33 years of my life there, i now live in beeston Nottingham. Am a mum to a 17 year old transgender girl and i have been with my recent partner on and off for 5 years. I would just like to say i have suffered on and of with depression and anxiety for the last 14-15 years all due to experiences i have been through in life and still have to deal with to this day, i don’t seem to fit in with society very well it’s like am here for a reason but don’t know why and i have had a few people say am strange and wierd etc have been since a child and only had a few friends like i do now. Nursery,primary,junior and secondary i used to get beat up and bullied everyday because i was fat, Goofy teeth,my mother’s dress sense was horrendous and the stuff she used to make me wear did not help matters at all. I was a brainy child and got on with my school work unless i was off ill, which happened alot as my immune system never wanted to fight of the simplist of colds. I loved history and artwork but hated English and maths (still do to this day) any how i got bullied for 9 years straight at school from being pushed over,name calling to actually being jumped on to the ground causing a asthma attack and while i was trying to breath properly i had to lads kick both sides of my ribs in causing internal and severe bruising which i had to attend hospital for. I returned back to school two weeks later to be bullied by the girl who had bullied me all the way through from nursery to junior. I also used to experience this back pain which would make my arms, hands and legs tingle and i would be left unable to move like i was paralyzed.This experience alone for me as scary as i was the one going through the pain and not being able to move, i had no back injurys what so ever and baffled doctors and hospital staff as i had a few x-rays to see what was causing this but they could find nothing and suggested to my dad i was putting it on (which my parents witnessed first hand as they could not touch me when i was going through this as i used to cry in pain ) so any way this girl bullied me because of that and kept calling me grandma and getting others to join in in science class one day, as the pain get again was coming in thick and strong. Something inside me just snapped a d i grabbed the stool i was sitting on and whacked it over her head and back, she took a few good hits a even the teacher could not get me of her until i came out of my daze of anger. We became friends after that which i found was strange and we actually got on. Any way to cut a long story short my first boyfriend who is my kids dad, was with him for 11 years and was physically and mentally abused by him, his family treated me like shit, experiancing things i could not explain as well as my mates but my partner said i was mental and going crazy. My mum didn’t want to know and didn’t believe me my child her grandchild was turning out abusive.From the age of 2 still til now beats people up including me and trashes property and belongings. I left my partner when my child was 8 and had to deal with hell of alot of stuff as being arrested because my child lied about me abusing him, he stood over my bed once while i was alseep with a screwdriver in his hand above my throat,attacked me every day and lied saying it’s me attacking him etc police got involved a few times and even they could not stand his attitude or how evil he seemed. At this time i was in a new relationship which i though was going really well but my child hates him and visa versa, apparently this new guy tryed to change  a how i looked,, clothes my mates etc and  I all along he was a cheat, so split after nearly 2 years together, my son went to live with his grandmother for abit who always stuck up for him even though she seen the bruising i had on me due to him kicking and punching me. She only had  him for a month Nd couldn’t  a cold with him, so he went in to care at the age of 12 as i had my third mental breakdown. With no support again i had to pull myself through this. Any way got back on my feet again,my son was getting worse in his behaviour and i met someone knew, young good looking lad. After a few weeks he came to stay with me as he got kicked out from were be was living and things were going well even though i was the only one working hours that no man could do for 5 years straight and he was heavy in drugs, yes i took them 2 but was not addict. He changed and accuses me of being a cheat slag slut  all the things i ain’t,he says the way i have been treated by men is because i used to cheat on them and that am a bad mother. We have been on and of for 5 years,every place we have e lives together he has trashes it or made me loose it due to him wanting money and all he can say is that it’s my fault i could of said no. He is verbally and mentally aggressive to me,i have left where i have lived twice due to his anger but he has lways got somewheee else to live and i don’t. I always have to get place out of my hard earned cash plus i don’t have savings. Any how this past year has been the worst as i had to quit work due to nerve damage from a previous operation 3 years ago and have reacurring hernias and had a double operation for it in Jan this year. Am on high medication, still carry heavy shopping etc as my fella can’t go out but i have a feeling he does not want to go out and would rather be rather sit in eat,sleep and watch TV. He has assaulted me twice this past year but says am losing and making it up, he has never touched me in his eyes, he always puts the blame on me, says i play mental mind games with him, he calls me paranoid yet i cant get a taxi back when i have done a big shop as he says i sleep with the taxi drivers, always throws women in my face saying all his ex’s treated him better then i do, yet he has never done much in this relationship apart from how affection now and then. He will say something nasty to me then when i say what he has said he calls me deluded and am a dangerous lier. I want him gone but he has threatened to come back to mine with people to transfer my place and get my head kicked in as well as go and hurt my friends and family. He always threatens me, manipulates and controls me yet he says he doesn’t and it’s me who is doing it . Says i only take my medication to block him out which is a lie as i o my take what the doctors have told me. He says i never go to my appointments i.e doctors or hospital, instead am with another guy. He went jail for 6 months not long after being together and he reakons he suffered with really bad depression etc yet bullied me most days and i can not defend myself or shout back as he uses me as a excuse to why his anxiety comes on and it’s all my fault. He is finally on medication after 5 years but last night he did them same, cause a argument and blames and twisted it all on to me yet again. He has no consideration for me at all. He watches what he wants on TV all day every day,has the bed to himself and i have pro slept in it 3-4 times in 2 weeks. I have to sleep on a tiny hard sofa,he calls me fat etc everyday and says he is joking yet i ha e put on loads of weight due to not working or going gym due to my nerve damage. He says i eat go much yet he eats 3 times the amount i do in a day,he keeps telling me i should get out more,yet am in a area where i have no friends or family.He always says am texting people when i am not. I will comment on YouTube videos as all i ha e to do all day is watch and so stuff on my tablet, yet he always moans at me for being on it, what am i doing who am texting etc. Yet he is on his phone on Facebook all day chatting to both men and women,i don’t use Facebook anymore s if i say hi to a guy am sleeping with him but he can do what the hell he wants. Please can someone tell me before i go insane that this is not PTSD symptoms this is just the fact he is a bully and a asshole who likes to rule.