Hallo 🙂 I’m not quite sure how to do this, since I’m new here, but I guess I’ll just start with the basics.
My real name has been hidden from you until further notice… so just call me Kit. I’m a teenager who lives somewhere in the United States. I’m a girl, I’m asexual, and I’ve got anxiety.
I’ve never actually been diagnosed with the disorder, which is probably why I always have this seed of self-doubt hanging around in the back of my mind… do I actually have anxiety? is this just a normal thing that people experience? do i really experience panic attacks, or am i just lying to myself?
Okay, of course I know a panic attack when I have one, but I’ve noticed that my symptoms don’t really seem to relate to the more common ones. I know that every person (and panic attack) is different, but I just can’t shake off the idea that because I don’t experience some of these symptoms, I’m invalid, or that what I’m going through isn’t real, or doesn’t count as anxiety. If that makes sense at all.
Usually my panic attacks have some sort of a reason behind their occurrence. I get small ones when put on the spot or under pressure. For example, I’ll get one if I’m halfway done with a test I’m struggling with and the teacher says, “You’ve got ten minutes of class left”. Or if there’s a presentation and someone asks me to throw something away for them, and the trashcan is across the room. Or if I leave class before it starts to use the bathroom, and when I come back the door is closed, meaning class has started, which also means I’ll attract attention when I open the door to walk to my seat, which sometimes triggers a mini attack.
Sometimes, but not very often, will I have an attack that seems to come out of nowhere. This fact is what makes me feel that I do not actually have panic attacks or that I am invalid. Because very rarely will an attack not have a concrete reason behind it.
Well anyway, more about who I am, I guess. I really love music. You will rarely find me without my earbuds in (usually it’s to just avoid conversation than to actually listen to music, but I do love music haha). I’m into all kinds of genres. EDM, dance pop, acoustic, oldies, hip hop, rap, alternative… you name it, I’ll probably like it. I’m into the Arts. As in, musical theatre. Singing. Dancing. Acting. The like. I also really love to draw, but I kind of suck at it, but it’s okay.
I play the piano and the taiko drums. Currently stressing out about auditions for piano that’s coming up in a month and I’m not nearly as prepared as I would like to be, but I don’t have time to practice because of school… agh. Save me please.
A bit more on the asexual part… if you noticed, in the beginning of this long blog, I very briefly touched on the fact that I am asexual. Asexuality just means that I am not sexually attracted to any gender. I also identify with a different romantic orientation as well. But these spectrums are huge and very, very confusing, so more on that later.
That’s really all I have to say about me without making this blog look like an essay that I’ll have to start writing for English… for the final in two weeks… holy majoly.
Okay, have a great rest of your week!