Well ik from my last blog i scared a few of u or even made people sad, but today was better for me. I went to the doctor and he said that i will be ok, they are running tests on me for hormones and not cancer THANK GOD.They still dont have a cure for what i have but i can always take meds. I felt alot better going today even though i was ill, i been ill most of the night and i am in so much pain. The doctor has given me pain meds. but everytime i take them i feel like puking so, i dont take them and live with the pain. I have been so sick from other stuff i have forgotten to take my pysch meds. but honestly i dont even think they are helping anymore. I go see my therapist in 2 weeks in the mean time if things worsen i will give her a call. I dont like feeling lonely and talking about ending my life but it's how i feel sometimes, it's hard not to feel this way, it's not like u have a button u can push thats says "off" and ur better. I been struggling with this illness since i was 6 i am 32 now, i have to say this is as it good as it gets for me. This is the best i felt in years and it's sad because i dont feel any better. I am much better then i was years ago but i mean, i am still strugging to keep myself alive and not feel sad. Everyday i struggle and its hard ,you know what keeps me from ending my life? People like you someone i can count on and also help in there time of need. It makes me feel like i am worth something and that i have a purpose, so for now i will think of all of you when i think of hurting myself and think twice about it. Ik you all need me and need someone to talk to and i dont want to disapoint you. Anyways i hope you have a good day/night and keep your spirits up because you all do mean something to me and each one of you is special and never forget that.