Everytime i write a blog i am always whining about something. I dont realize i am but thats all i do. Today was just a horrible day i went to see my physicatrist and basically told me that i am the one making myself this way an i like being miserable. I was so hurt by that i couldnt stop crying for hours if i was making myself this way i would do anything i can to get out of it for me and my son. I told him i was trying to start doing some new things he told you dont get points for trying. I was speechless and im never speechless. I felt so alone after that… no one really believes me not even my own dr. i felt horrible i sat there on my bed crying with pill bottle in my hand i was going to take all of them and just sleep away my life. (crying) but my son came in and for some reason he said i love you mom …. he 8 and i know god sent him to me to keep me here. im so lost and alone the harder i try to make things better everything gets worse. i am trying to be strong for my son but after awhile i cant do it anymore. i hurt so much i try ing to figure out who i am and its killing me cause i dont know. I have been sitting here all night thinking that its my fault im depressed its my fault im worried all the time and get a panice attack. i have been trying to do things like take walks and go out of the house more no more laying in bed. I cant stop thinking about what he said i am not making myself this way. for lent i gave up being negative so i am trying to find the positive in this situation the only thing i can think of is its not my fault … does anyone understand … why do people assume its our fault we are like this.

  1. Naelmin 15 years ago

    Wow. What malpractice! No encouragement? No points for trying? This goes WAY beyond whose fault it is. I went through two doctors and three psychiatrists before I even got the right diagnosis, which in fact was not so much a diagnosis at all as a willingness to treat me as an individual and not a label. One psychiatrist even threw me out of her office before the session was over.

    So, yes, to answer your question. I understand. I also understand what enormous courage it’s going to take for you, in your state of mind, to pick up the phone and look for another psychiatrist. Do you have any trusted friends or family members who could help you with that?

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  2. Naelmin 15 years ago

    And one more thing. I’ve worked with PhD scientists on research and development projects and we got points for trying. Oh, this has me fuming.

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  3. jenieve79 15 years ago

    Thank you everyone for the comments. Going to see my therapist tomorrow that works with my physicatrist. I want to see what she has to say cause right now its like a 2mth wait to find a new one. Not sure i can do that

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