At the risk of jinxing myself, I want to say I’m finally feeling better. I started taking Ativan yesterday, prescribed by my primary care physician, seeing as I couldn’t get ahold of my psychiatrist and he won’t be back in the office again until Wednesday of next week. But the Ativan was miraculous! I got through yesterday’s pharmacy trip and my niece’s wedding with no problem! I couldn’t believe how normal I felt! I still wasn’t at 100%, but it was such a huge improvement I was very happy. My husband says popping pills to feel better is just a bandaid approach and that what I need to focus on is my diet and exercise. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that I need these symptoms to improve before I can start to focus on my diet and exercise. The medication helps me get through the day so I have the headspace to put my energy into something new. Two or three Ativan per day seems to do the trick, though I am allowed up to four pills per day. I think I need to cut out the caffeine. I had a cup of coffee this morning, and I’ve been drinking at least two cups of Irish Breakfast tea everyday, usually with sugar and milk. It’s like an anxiety-attack-in-a-cup.

I’m going to take a shower in a little bit, and use my new avocado oil hair mask. It says to leave on for just three minutes, but I think I’ll leave it for at least five. I’m thankful that my husband is allowing me to keep my Thrive Market subscription. I really enjoy shopping on there, and receiving packages. I like the company’s ethos, and I want to support them. And I also like the eco-friendly way they package everything, either recyclable paper or reusable ziplock bags. I’m going to make soup and salad for dinner tonight. I want to keep it simple, I’m kind of groggy from the medication still. And it’s the weekend, I want to relax with my husband and enjoy the day together.

I failed my vegetarian standards yesterday- I ate two meals with meat. One was the Hawaiian BBQ that my husband brought home for lunch, and the other was the birria at the wedding reception. They didn’t have any vegetarian options. I could feel the effects of eating meat throughout the night- I had awful acid reflux and heartburn all night long. That’ll teach me to eat meat again! I am more determined than ever now to be as vegetarian as possible. I understand that by consuming fish oil and cod liver oil, I’m not being vegetarian, but the way I see it, those fish are going to be caught anyway, we may as well use up all that we can from it. Fish oil and cod liver oil are so good for you, and since there is no vegetarian substitute, I force myself to not worry about it. I am going to be buying cod liver oil with my next Thrive Market box. I will order it on Wednesday. In any event, I’m just excited that I’m feeling better. Peace.

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