Today I woke up feeling very depressed and dark. I spent the morning just trying not to hyperventilate. After being at work and being busy, I started to get distracted from my thoughts enough that I started to feel normal again, at least for the most part. I got home and my roommate seemed to be in a good mood and wanted to go to the gym together. Lately it has seemed like he has been distant, which my mind always starts telling me that he is tired of being around me. I know it probably doesn’t have anything to do with me, but I have a habit of thinking that I am annoying and hard to be around. It was nice to have his good mood and actually wanting to be around me motivate me to be in a good mood. I have found that my mood can be completely influenced by the people around me. I had a really good time at the gym, actually feeling like I made some progress on my running and it felt really good to accomplish something. Now I am about to go to bed and I can already feel the darkness wanting to settle in again. I am terrified of the fact that I will probably wake up feeling like shit again wanting to avoid my roommate, just so I can feel like I am giving him a break from me. I don’t think he realizes, but he has become my best friend. He literally knows me better than anyone else in the world, but I think I am just another roommate to him. I wish I knew how to bring these thoughts up to him without feeling and sounding totally pathetic and needy. I just wan’t to know if I am actually important to someone, that someone might actually care about how I feel.