Last year in September or October I created an account on anxiety tribe because I was having difficulty making friends, but once I found them I no longer felt the need to be on that site. I thought that I was fine and I no longer needed to go back to a support group to deal with my problems.

And yet, here I am now. I'm just feeling kind of overwhelmed. I don't want to go into too much detail, but something happened with school (might have to take a leave of absence depending) and I'm going through some mental health issues that I can't tell my parents about because they're not very understanding when it comes to that. In fact, when I was a teen and I told my mom that I was feeling depressed, she dismissed my feeling entirely and told me that things will get better. Well, I'm 22 now and I'm steal dealing with it. To be honest, I was feeling okay prior to the school I'm going to now, but ever since I started attending this school last fall, everything has gone to…poop. I don't hate the school but I think it's mainly responsible for me feelng really stressed about a lot of things. But dropping out is not an option. I need my bachelor's degree.

I just wish that I could talk to my parents about my issues but once again, they're not understanding. My dad would probably say that I'm overreacting and that I'm being stupid because nothing has happened in my life for me to feel this way. He's not an emotionally supportive person whatsoever. Believe me. I've been reaching out to friends for support and they've done a good job. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I think what's causing me to really stress is my constant feeling of regret. Looking back at my life decisions and thinking, why the hell did I do that? Why didn't I force myself to do better? But I know it's useless because what happened happened and I can't change the past. I think my feelings stem from me having a low opinion about myself and believing that I will always make stupid decisions because that's the kind of person that I am. Stupid. It's not like I don't try to better myself but it's like it's in my genetic makeup to do things that normally people would avoid because it's common sense.

I can't go on anymore. I'm starting to tear up. I don't feel like crying anymore today.

1 Comment
  1. freelancer63751 8 years ago

    Sorry to hear you have been having issue. I won't pry and ask what happened with school. However, I think it is a very intelligent decision that you have chosen to go to college for your bachelor's degree. I also like the fact of you saying dropping out is not an option, that shows the will to continue on. School can definitely cause stress in a variety of ways. Try focusing on the present and future, not the past. As you said you can't change your past. I know its easier said then done, however dwelling on the past will get us no where. Love you for you, you can only be who you are. We all do stupid things at times, however that does not define who we are. We become wiser and smarter from the mistakes we make. Life in itself is a learning process. Also go back and look at some of the things you stated in this blog, there are actually some smart decisions you have already made. 

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