I come from a family where psychological pain is not a real subject. But i don’t know how is that not real when i battle with anxiety and depression everyday.
From the beginning……
I can’t decide when exactly it all begin but i think it was when my teenage ass decide to take in a bunch of my mom’s diabetic pills and passed out on the school ground but somehow i still smiled after the whole event; even when i felt broken and damaged but also confused. i felt a cloud of darkness engulf me it felt awful but i couldn’t talk, maybe because i was just 14 and had no idea what i felt. after this i was irritated, mostly sad but smiled through all those years. It wasn’t until the senior years of high school that i realised what i felt wasn’t my fault. I blamed myself all the time because I didn’t have the strength to face truth, because blaming myself was easier than accepting that i needed help. After graduating, university came. Man it was like a exacerbation affect, because boy it all got worst. I was happy for the first few days. but when university stress caught up to me, it all came back. But this time it was nothing i felt before. It was like the entire earth weight just sat on me and blamed me for all my mistakes. i became more depressed day by day, i couldn’t wake up, couldn’t attend lecture, doesn’t go out with friends yet. Over that comes my anxiety, that’s runs in the family!
i fought some many thoughts that i have about ending my pain that it’s get really hard to fight such thoughts but I do it because that’s easier.
so remember; KEEP BREATHING.