Hey too you,  The weekend is here and I have no clue as too what too do.  I can’t venture too far from home because I don’t have the gas or money for any costly adventure.  Hence, the feeling I have of being trapped.

As it stands now, I have my 3.7 mile walk first thing in the morning and then my day is totally free.  I really don’t want to get stuck on this computer all weekend but I fear that is what is going to happen.  Any suggestions as too what too do with my time is welcomed.

I currently feel blah, weak, tired, and a general sense of yuck.  I just got up from a 2 or 3 hour nap.  I’ve been eatting all afternoon long and my gut feels bloated.  I feel like something is missing in my "step"…like I’ve lost something since I was hospitalized.  My concentration is really weak at this time.  I feel totally bored.  I wonder how much of this feeling is related to the Haldol Deconate shot I recieved while hospitalized.  Man that still pisses me off that I was forced too accept that medication against my will.  It doesn’t pay too be honest about ones feelings sometimes…especially ones you share with an ignorant psychiatrist.  I really resent my psychiatrist.

I would love to suddenly find myself cleaning up my apartment but that’s not likely to happen.  I do hope too somehow get myself motivated to at least start some cleaning, even if it’s only half a room.

I miss the energy I had for the first 5 days I was hospitalized prior to the administration of the Haldol Deconate shot.  But, maybe this fatigued feeling will pass and I’ll see things differently some moments/days later.  I’m actually due for another monthly shot of Haldol come next Tuesday or Wednesday…Not sure what to do; accept the shot or reject the shot?

Right now I wish somebody would just take over my life because I don’t feel like I can steer so well lately…What too do and who too be?  I have no clue.  I’m really noticing I want to have a "pity party"…poor poor Don…..F*CK!!!

I can’t concentrate long enough too read more than one or two pages at a time, or watch more than 15 minutes of a movie at a time.  Do I need more Congentin?  Is the 1mg twice daily enough.  F*CK, I hate taking more pills too conteract the symptoms of another pill.

My lesson for today from "A Course In Miracles" is as follows:  I am not the victim of the world I see…That just doesn’t seem too be siking in right now.  I want to sing a song about my victimhood…poor poor Donnie boy…

I’m just hating myself right now.


(does anybody know the correct useage of the word "to" and "too"?…You see I don’t know)

  1. thebadkitty 12 years ago

    you couid commit to 20 minutes of cleaning – it”s less daunting, and you”d be surprised how much you can affect a space in that time.  checking out art is a good idea – or maybe try to create some.  it doesn”t matter if you think ur good at it – just express.  sing, paint, draw, whatever…  just create.  it helps when u are trying to rediscover yourself.  and, i am NOT A DOCTOR, but i would guess that u don”t need haldol.  but thats just my humble opinion.  u know better than anyone where you”re at – and i would resent that doc too.

    – kit

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  2. thebadkitty 12 years ago

    and don”t hate yourself – ur a great guy.

    but if you must, your friends here will love u until u can love yourself.

    it will come.

    everything will work out in time.

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  3. Sciencegirl 12 years ago

    "Are you going to do this?"

    "Are you going to do this too?"

    You know, to and too is a really silly word. Who made it up!

    I am feeling the same, I can”t read or write or watch anything because I just can”t concentrate, I can”t go out because I don”t have the energy, I just feel like a motionless being, I can”t even sleep. It”s like a real life coma.

    Can you invite someone over to just talk with you?  If not, you know we are here. I normally go in the chat room on DT and just talk to others, you will be suprised how fast time flies in thier.


    I hope you feel better soon Xxx

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