So…I'm pretty much a newbie on this site. I came looking for people to talk to that can relate to being depressed or whatever. I don't know what I'm looking to achieve or find here, but I suppose I should do something to try and help myself or help others if I can. Well I guess I should just spill my guts for a bit here.

I have had depressed since I was about 15 maybe? I was diagnosed with clinical depression last year when I finally told my parents that I needed help. So I started seeing a therapist who made me realize that I had a pretty sucky life up until now. I'd been "ignoring" my depression by focusing on my schoolwork or by restlessly typing stories that gave me a glorious escapism from the entire world. I was a cutter too, but not a frequent one. I'm not too proud of having to go that far, but ehh, made the pain seem like something less. Anyway, I guess you can say I'm depressed because I've always felt trapped beneath the shadows of other people. Over time, I grew used to that and started to care less.

Now my therapist has magically disapeared and I've gone into a downspiral due to the dang depression crap. And my mom forbids me from trying the medicinal route out of depression. I hardly write anymore when I used to write every day for as long as I could. I don't leave my room often. I don't go out with friends. My whole life pretty much revolves around my computer, which is sad to admit, but its the truth. More recently these days, I've just been slaving over my schoolwork to try and catch up on the work I let build up. I find myself waiting for comments on a website where I post some of my stories and drawings. This website has been my main source of socialization since I went into homeschooling for my junior year.

So to sum this all up, because I think I've just been rambling, I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to go out and explore and be with friends, be out and about and happy, but this depression seems to be preventing me from all that. And my mom always just tells me, "Its all mind over matter." But is it really? It never feels that simple. It isn't. Not for me. So for now, I'm just stuck, trying to preoccupy myself from my boring life and festering depression.


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