A recent comment from a friend on the tribe has got me thinking and have to confess, raised all kinds of insecurity's and fears.

 After living the best part of my adult life with self doubt shame and fear I took inventory faced my demons and public oppinion , and decided to come out with the fact that, I'm straight!!! and that my true friends would not be judgmental ,nor would my colleges at work ostracize me for this perversion.

 So armed with a new found sense of freedom I decided it was time to tackle more pressing issues at hand. Well easier said than done!  After nine years of marriage (now dissolved) and painfully aware of my not so polished dating skills coupled with the knowledge that being a PWA might pose a quandary in its self to the choice of finding a partner to enjoy those whispered desires such as “physical “fulfillment I took the advice of another close friend from the Tribe who said ” Paul everybody does it “and decided to search the web for a female companion “substitute” (she said there were lots to be found).

So I proceeded to type those word into Google ,expecting to be red flagged or at worst have to face the humiliation and shame when one of my friend/colleges inadvertently discover the pages I have been looking at,  and proceeded with my search. Well I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was right and that there were indeed some affordable female companions(subsitutes) to be found and that for my convenience there were even testimonials to the effectiveness of the product being advertised.

Not to be put off by the first one” that it arrived on my doorstep broken!! “, I began to read in earnest some of the comments posted,hoping to bolster my courage to make this first step to a liberated and wholesome life.

Easier said than done, I was intrigued by the comment develops cracks and tear's after excessive use, I wish they had elaborated on this as excessive use conjured all types of questions in my enquiring mind, (once a day? week? or month?),and did use include or preclude abuse after all your meant to love it not fist it!

Then there was the issue of color and although the advertising assured me that this was a direct replica molded from Jenna Jamison,(bless her for her thoughtfulness) I was unaware of the variety s of color that Jenna actually came in , being shortsighted and I have to confess a little conservative I had never ventured a close look in my years of sexual freedom, but this posed all sorts of new found insecurity's . Would I be a racist if I chose the luminous green one? Or a bigamist if I asked the purple one to clean up the kitchen! And would Jenna still love me when I lose my hair, or if I get sick!!

Whilst the though of a lifetime companion for the investment of only a paltry $69-95 was attractive my insecurities overwhelmed me .Confronted with all these new found emotions  and choices I a made a hasty retreat and decided well being single is something I might just have to enjoy and live with for a while!

Ps This blog is intended as an attempt to sharing my sense of Hummor and does not reflect on my personal dating status!!! LOL