iv been away from this site 4 so long, i think around 6 months maybe more, its strange to come back but i realy need help again.

        i was seeing a counsellor around 6 months ago + it was going great, she realy helped 2 make me see my past in a different way 2 wat id thout it was (if that makes any sense!), + i realised that wat had happened 2 me wasnt my fault + that id been punishing myself 4 years ever sinse + that i should forgive myself. the realising that it wasnt my fault + forgiving myself (which i still cant do) were the most emotional + physically draining things iv ever had to do. anyway, my counsellor then went on holidays 4 3 weeks + i couldnt bring myself 2 go back 2 see her + thats wen the trouble started.

            i feel as if i hit a self destruct button. i stared drinking heavily, i argued with my family, i would start arguments with my boyfriend over stupid things + i was having an affair with a married man + if thats not enough id been given an sti from the married man as his wife hadnt kept 2 her marriage vows either, so i then had 2 tell my boyfriend that i was unfaithful + given him an sti, he hit the roof, understandably, but stayed with me.

                but now, a month later, me + the boyfriend r realy not getting on + i realy feel like i am having a nervous breakdown. the kids hav been with my boyfriend (their dad) 4 the last 2 days cos i feel that i cant cope anymore, all their noise seems 20 times louder in my head than it actualy is, + wen im with them all im doing is crying or staring in2 space so i just want 2 b on my own. im realy scared, i think i should b sectioned. i dnt know wat 2 do

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