Making ammends with those who you have had fallings out with in the past is generally the right thing to do. At least, I thought so.

As of now, I am trying to make ammends with my sons father so that we can at least build some type of relationship for our sons sake. But as it stands, he will not listen in any way. He is very angry.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying so hard to make my life better, and do what’s right. But every time I try, there is always something there to block me from doing what I need to. It’s as if someone out there in the universe is wanting me to completely break and fall. Emotionally, I am completely fucked up. I try and try and try and try over again. I help people, and I do my best to stay strong no matter what kind of situation arises. But when is it enough? When can I sit down and take time for myself?

I feel so worn inside. It’s like my body is telling me to take a break… but my mind and my heart is telling me to stay strong. But I can only be strong for so long before my body starts to give up and I become sick from all the stress. It amazes me sometimes how much I can take. I’ve been to hell and back over and over again in the last 2 months, and still I am standing strong.

What is wrong with me?

My life right now is so complicated.

And my brain is so boggled.

I’m so lost.

This feeling of confinement in my head is getting to be too much for me to handle, and it feels like my brain is on overdrive and is about to explode into a million pieces.

But yet, I still stand strong.

Maybe going back on my meds is something I need to do.

Despite everything I am dealing with on a daily basis, I still remain calm. To everyone on the outside who sees me, I don’t seem like I am having a freak attack. But in my head, I am screaming and want to be let out. My thoughts are confined to a jail cell inside my head.

So where do I turn?

What do I do?

I continue to live day by day as if nothing is wrong. I guess that isn’t the right way to go. But the world inside my head is much safer than reality is.

I’m so lost.


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