For whatever reason, its been getting harder and harder the last 2 days to keep up the appearance of being ok. I try so hard to keep things going and to make my house a happy, healthy place during a time of such trial for my little family. Deep inside I am very hurt, reeling from everything thats happened in the last 11-14 months, exhausted, struggling and scared. Nobody really wants to know that. Its so hard on my kids so I always do my best to be positive with them. Its been so hard on my husband too so I try to not show much with him, but sometimes I do show part of what I am feeling. Its still tough. We were so close to divorcing Dec-Feb. Its a major strain on our very fragile relationship right now to be incomeless. Not to mention everything else we are dealing with.
My Grandma is facing a very slow, sad, terrifying death of her husband and there is no way the poor woman could be supportive of me right now. I am all she has right now.
My friends and family are rather put off if they hear a little or get a small peek at how I feel. They just want the strong Steph who can handle everything, alone and without complaining. I have never been that mythical person though. I am a real person who does get hurt and feel things. I do need help sometimes. Its just that I have had to learn to make due without the help.
When family/friends ask how I am they want to hear "Fine, everything is looking up!" Because they only asked as a courtesy and have something they would like me to do or fix or help them with. I am to be the giver, fixer, strong one……not the real person who also needs help sometimes because life is not all easy for me either.
So what am I to do?
Sorry to hear things are so bad for you right now, Steph. I'm pretty low at the moment too, but for different reasons.
You may remember I have experienced the inequity of the give-take friendship dynamic myself.
In answer to your question…
I suggest you start saying "no" to all requests from others, you don't have to give a reason up front, just say "no that is not possible" – if they ask why tell them it is because you are struggling to cope with life at the moment and could actually use some help yourself.
You may be pleasantly surprised at some of the responses you get from those others who usually take from you – I know I was when I was in this position.
You need to focus on your relationship with your unique family and your health from this moment onwards. That is all. Aswa
I would love to talk to you on the phone. We are so much alike and in the same place.