We were approved for 275,000 to buy a home at 3.75 percent with 5% down. Its like a dream come true. But so stressfull. I can't get the stress under control. We own the home we are in now. Its alittle three bedroom that cost us139,000. We have to sell it first. I am super stressed about it. We are taking a huge loss on it. Its a fixer upper. I dont think we will even make enough to pay the realtor. It was a fixer upper when be bought it but over the past twelve years could never afford to fix it.I cant afford to put money into it either. I am terrified of the inspection and what that will cost to repair. The realtor told us to basically move out to help it sale. The biggest storage shed available was only a ten by ten. I still have our shed full of crap. I have to clean like crazy.Kinda hard to find motivation to do all of it whenI am fighting depression. Hubby and I have found ourselves bickering with each other due to us both being stressed. Its suppose to be the most exciting time of our lives. We are suppose to be happy. I am having trouble keeping up with good self care. I had to step back today and focus on that. I am super scared of a higher house payment. We struggled over the past twelve years to make the one we have now. We even had to file bankruptcy do to my bipolar medical hospitalizations. So the idea of a higher payment freaks me out.Jimmy has mentioned me getting a job a couple times too. I am doing better at managing my bipolar. I do have good days more often than not. But its a daily battle for sleep and stability. I dont think the depression ever goes away. It scares me a ton to think about holding a job that i have to have to keep us financailly able to pay our house payment.Just the stress of all this has shaken my foundation. I am already making poor choices. Skipping meals, slacking on my mood light. My sleep is really disrupted. I am drop dead tired yet lay awake for hours at night then over sleep in the mornings. I started smoking again. That one really upsets me. I cant hate myself more for it. I plan on using the gum tomorrow to try to stop. Its just little things but they can get out of control quickly. I cant afford a manic episode right now. I have done all I can around here. Do a thorough scrubbing and cleaning tomorrow and call it good. Start focusing on good self care and try my hardest to see this inan exciting new light.


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