This blog from me is a little different than I am used to writing. All of this just happened and is currently happening. At the end, I am going to ask everyone who reads this their opinion, you will understand in a moment…

This past Tuesday Ifinally lost my job. I am struggling to get a grip on my anxiety and depression.

This past Thursday I ended up in a crisis center. It was awful. I put myself there because I was afraid. I'm sure all of you have been there at one point or another, you lose the fighter inside, even if it's brief.

I leave the crisis center before receiving treatment. I was losing myself further with the waiting…panic attacks were becoming more frequent, I felt small, helpless. I went 2 days without Xanax in a crazy detox place with 30 other ppl, mostly there for drugs.Where I thought I was doing the right thing, I was only further damaging my already fragile mental state.

On Friday, my dad ended up in the hospital with a partially collapsed lung, a spot on that lung and his liver.

Understandably, my family tried to keep this information from me. Here's the the wayI found my strength…

A woman came to me in my head (Today I found out her name is Norma). She has a calm soothing voice. She sat me down and this is how the conversation went:

Norma: "Breathe. Now listen to me. Why did you make the call the other day?"Me: "To get help."N:"That's right. Whydo you need help?"M: "Toget better. To feel normal again. I just want to be normal" N: "For who?" M:"For my family." N: "For who?" M: "For my daughter." N: "For who?" M: "For me." N: "That's right. Now I need you to reach deep down inside and find your strength. It's there.Dig deep, dear. It's there.There's something else and this is very important. I need you to tell them that you need to talk to me before you hear anymore news about your dad. I will be here to help you find your strength. I will always be here for you."

Now I ask you all…am I getting worse? There's is a voice talking to me in my head!!! I talk back!!! I was wondering in my head this morning what her name was, she said "Norma" I just realized as I was writing this thatI've been saying fordays I justwant to be normal. Did I create this personality in my head named Norma because I want to be Normal?

Where I started this blog wanting Am I just sane enough to realize this now? Oh F*ck