So today…I woke up at around 5:00 AM with a splitting headache…(Must have been the 6-7 beers I had the night before ( I don't normally do that)). I was later woken up at around 6:30 by my girlfriend who had found me asleep infront of the T.V. watching the Royal Wedding highlight reel on Fox. She said to me that I "Need help" and she's "worried" about me. These comments made me very angry. She then put her hands on my shoulders to massage me, but I stood up imediately as it caused me a lot of mental pain. She then told me that she doesn't "Know if I can do this anymore." I then fell back into chair feeling very alone and very stupid at the same time.

She walked around the chair and crouched down to face me. She asked me why I couldn't "Show her that I love her" and told me that "She knows she loves me" during all of this I couldn't meet her eyes. I just looked down at my knees.

So I, uh, I scheduled an apointment with my shrink that I hadn't seen since my wife died a couple years ago. She moved my mood into this almost….euphoric state where I couldn't move and was having visions of seeing my wife. Then I just blinked and our meeting was over and she said " You did really good today, 'case', I feel like we made good progress you should come back more often." I made some kind of wittyremark about how much it costs to come here and she laughed. So then after that I took a rock and threw it at the side of the brick building and walked home.

When I got home, my girlfriend wasn't and I found a note she went to pick up some food for lunch. I then agreed with myself to act like I was 'better' until I would get better.

I suppose thats enough for a while.

js.