Hello folks. This is a little blog about how I feel sometimes. It seems, at times, that for every step I think I take forward; reality comes in and makes me feel like I have taken two steps back. Those times I feel really down on myself for being suck a jerk in some fashion or another. I get to feeling like I am good about myself and them something happens and I feel like I haven’t grown at all and I am still the same person I was before or worse. I feel like my whole life is just one great big joke for everyone else to see and everything like that. I have felt like God put me here as an example of how not to live your life. Believe me I am not only my own worst critic, but my own worse enemy at times. I am not as bad as I used to be, but I still have my regressions to when I just go totally and utterly ballistic on myself in my head. I would, and have, replayed, over and over and over, some mistake I had made; even if it was only a tiny mistake. I am pretty sure that at some point most of us have done that at some point in our lives, but I will tell you this it took me a very, very long time to get it through my thick skull not to be so critical of myself. I mean even if it was not my mistake I would internalize it and fell like it was my mistake. I am trying to get better day by day, but sometimes, when stuff happens, I wonder if I have made any progress at all. I just try and do the best I can here, but sometimes I wonder if it is enough. I guess I will just have to do the best I can and let the chips fall where they may and deal with it as it comes. I will tell you this I am nowhere as bad as I used to be, but I still have my lapses of when I used to be my own worst enemy and at those times I feel as low as you can possibly feel. I guess I will just have to keep going day to day and do the best I can.