I think I will just jump right in.  Why am I here?  Because I need to relate to someone.  I feel so alone inside of my head.  I feel like people think I am crazy.  I would love to be normal, and walk through life with normal worries.  But that’s just not the case for me. 

I have been in and out of therapy since I was 12-iash.  I am 29 now.  I had a break from therapy and I have now put myself back into therapy.  I have relaized that I will never have a successful relationship if I do not work some shit out.  I recently found out that I have OCD and PTSD. 

I have been dating someone for about 8 months now and I have been up to my old crazy ways of thinking.  My life is a series of questioning and developing irrational scenarios in order to validate my feelings.  In turn, I end up feeling like I am constantly being tricked, cheated on, lied to, and abandoned.  This probably occurs a few times a week.

That is why I am here.  To find others who feel the same way that i do.  To find possible solutions.  My biggest problem are the thoughts that cause me anguish, fear, anxiety, worry, and sadness.  I get very irritable and take it out on everyone.  I don’t want to hurt the people around me and I don’t want to be trapped inside this school of irrational thought.  

I just started prozac like a week ago.  It’s a big deal for me because I do not like the idea of taking meds.  Perhaps, that is the OCD talking.  I decided to give it a try because I am afraid I will die if I don’t do something.  This illness is waring on my soul and I just want some relief.

Sincerly,

FTBM

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