Hey everyone,

Still getting the agonizing thoughts about my fiance. For the entire span of time that I've known him, I have always been deathly worried that he was going TO LEAVE ME, and I would OBSESS over this EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF THE DAY. Now, I noticed about a month ago, I started getting some really unfamiliar thoughts that I just can't sit with. I'm not getting the opposite strand of thoughts telling me that I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE, or I'm losing interest, or I'm lying to myself just because I think I can't do better, or my favorite one, "I just feel sorry for him and thats why I'm not breaking it off. For me, these are even worse than the origional thoughts that I WAS suffering with, because atleast I knew how I FELT. These thoughts are screwing with my identity, my feelings, and my heart, and these are just too much for me to deal with on a regular basis. Living moment to moment is getting much harder, because the wieght of these thoughts are unbarable. When ever I look at him, I want to cry, and run into his arms, and hold him really tight and hide my face in his chest and just stay that way, because that is the only thing that provides me any comfort during these twisted battles that are constantly going on between my screwed up mind, and my honest heart. I told him about them and he took it so well- he's so used to my thoughts and how rediculous they are, so he barley even flinched, but he did say " Its ok, everyone questions the feelings that they have about the peson they're with sometimes, its normal, you just feel it 10 times worse." It was so remarkable to me to see how understanding and how "on point" he was with his reaction, all the more reason why I love him. Another thing that began spiking my thoughts (aside from, 1. my parents divorcing this past year after both cheated on eachother after 25 years of marraige, my mother moving out of the house and moving in with another family), my friend just told me that she broke-up with her boyfriend of 4 years, because for "some time" she said that she hasn't been happy with him and that he bored her in every way. Now that my finace and I live together and have been living together for the past 6 months, I don't hang out with my friends as much, and latley, since we moved back closer to an apartment in our home town, I've been wanting to hang out with my friends a lot more, and I'm afraid that its because, like my friend, I'm getting "bored," with my fiance and that I'm looking for a way out, or "relief" from him becuase when we weren't living together, I really could care less about hanging out with my friends, because I just wanted to be with HIM….I don't know if this is a RED SIGN that my thoughts about not loving my fiance anymore are REAL, and its making me so sick and depressed that I can't even function normally-but I try to appear that I can in front of him. I'm so afraid to make any plans with seeing my friends without him (because I usually bring him everywhere), that I'm starting to avoid my friends, because I don't want to give in to what my mind is telling me that I'm slowly trying to do, the way that my friend did to her boyfriend….I know this is LONG, but it would mean THE WORLD TO ME, as it always does, if someone would be kind enough to help me out of this jam. please

2 Comments
  1. anxiousinohio 11 years ago

    I know you don’t want to hear this because I am sure you have heard it a million times but here goes. If you really didn’t love him anymore you WOULD NOT feel anxiety about wanting to leave him. It would be a relief to want to leave him. But you DON’T want to leave him. I know this sucks and I wish I could do something or say something to help you. 🙁 OCD is horrible. OCD tried to get in the way of my relationship too. But instead of me worrying about me not loving him or him not loving me I had some different horrible thoughts about him. I know that the thoughts I had about him were based on things that happened with my ex fiance but I still couldn’t shake them. 🙁

    All you can do is hang in there and hope these thoughts go away. Just think of all of the good times that are passing you by because of these unfounded worries. Just hold him and love him. I wish I could cure OCD. It is so evil making us doubt the things we know and trust.

     

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  2. doglover 11 years ago

    Hi hon,

        At times OCD can be a real bugger but just know that they are only thoughts and thats all they are.  Im sure deep down inside of you, you will know what to do at the right time.  I hope things go well for you and take care of yourself.  ((((HUGS))))

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