My first night on OCD Tribe, and my first post. So I guess I should write my story – or something to that effect.
I have been trying to deal with a myriad of social problems for awhile – and have been increasingly frustrated with my inability to deal with them, or change myself to fix them. One of my friends calls me 'OCD' a lot, but I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. I asked her, and she took it pretty serious – we looked up a few sites on OCD, and went through a few OCD symptom questionairs. And like the last piece in a puzzle, it fit. Perfectly. Undeniably. My whole life, my teachers have tried to label me, and my mom has always told me that I was perfectly normal, and that they were all full of s**t. I didn't know what ADD, or ADHD, or bi-polar were, and I didn't care, because mommy dearest told me I wasn't. Until she married a pervert, and when I started trying to get her to see the truth, all of a sudden I was mentally ill and not worth listening too – didn't know what I was talking about. Which led to my current aversion of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. I'm not saying I'm a normal, well-adjusted person, but after years of abuse, who would/could be? But I'm not bi-polar or psycho either – I know people who are, and I am most definitely not. But I digress – I had finally found a good, fitting explanation for my problems, and my friends urged me to seek help, since all the web-sites suggested therapy to help manage the symptoms. But alas, I am but a poor college students, who can't afford to keep her $20 inhaler prescription up to date. So, long story not too short, here I am. Can an online community replace therapy? Maybe. I figure being able to talk to people who have similar problems and disadvantages to overcome is a pretty good start. I want to be able to have healthy relationships – I'm pretty sure I've never had one that qualifies, ever. I want to be able to do an art project in under 10 hours, and stop being SO picky about every last detail. But then again, isn't that what makes me such a good student? I guess I'm just confused. Holding my hand before, grasping for other hands in the dark, hoping for a life-line to pull me back to normalcy. Did I mention I'm also a writer? It's probably obvious by the book I've just written, but anyways. Here I am.
Welcome to the tribe. Everyone is really nice here. What are your symptoms? You didn’t really mention them so i’m just kind of curious. But I know what you mean about art projects i’m always the last person to get done even if I go in the morning and work on it before school starts. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to stuff like that so your not alone in that. I hope the tribe will be helpful to you. Good luck.
\..Welcome to Tribe..I dunno about how online help matches dedicated therapy..however if being able to afford meds prescribed to you is a problem the major pharmaceutical companys have a program which helps people who can’t afford their meds obtain free ones after a mountainload of paperwork *know you’ve probably seen it on tv with montel williams in a commercial*..sounds like a wonderfully charitable move on the parts ‘of the drug firms however they were told by Congress to do this & in order to save face & milk for PR they did this but wtf..u get meds either way ha..good luck with this & in your pursuit of higher education..\
Okay, so since I’m fairly new to the idea of being OCD, I’m still trying to analyze my life and figure out what all my symptoms are, but here’s a short list I’ve compiled, based on my research into common symptoms.
1) Perfectionism – this applies to my work specifically – everything has to be perfect. I also have a very hard time working in groups or with others, because I get anxious handing over tasks to other people because I have this fear that they won’t be done right, and I’ll have to waste loads of time fixing their mistakes. My roomie says I’m pretty much inflexible – my way or the highway. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I’d rather feel a little bad than anxious.
2) I’m a list maker. Drives my roomie crazy. There is a list for positively everything. I follow all the rules down to the letter – even driving – I refuse to go more than 8 miles over the speed limit. And I won’t hesitate to turn someone in for plagerism or any other major deviant behaviors – My morals won’t let me ignore it. And yes, I have lost friends over it.
3) I’m a major workaholic. Life seems much easier and less dramatic if I focus on work and ignore my nearly non-existant social life. It gets lonely, and a little depressing, but that’s my life. I guess depression is another one – every few weeks I get depressed for about a day, or any time there’s a major change in my life.
4) I have a major problem with relationships – my bestie says that it takes so long for people to get over my walls that they give up. She says every time my plans or routines change, I go into a little box, and my friends have to wait it out. I guess she would know, but that sounds about right.
5) I have a hard time throwing things away – I’m a huge pack-rat. It’ll be useful one day, right?
6) Even numbers – minutes or hours I sleep, number of drinks in the fridge, number of pencils on my desk, number of hours I’m awake – if it’s not even, I’ll change it, quick.
7) I’ve always got to be moving – my hands, my feet, something. Long car trips kill me – especially if I’m not driving. If I’m not driving for too long of a period, I get anxious and eventually car sick. Control freak doesn’t begin to cover it.
I’m sure there are more, but at 1 in the morning, it’s gettin hard to concentrate. Anyways, hope that satisfies your curiosity. As for the meds thing – I’d prefer to deal with this without meds – I avoid pills of any kind if I can help it – I’ve been on enough to know they aren’t for me. Thanks for the advice, though.
-Sissy