I realized recently, or maybe not too recently, I am very routine oriented. My mood is based on how much of my routine I stay within. It's not really a step by step routine done the same way everyday but it does involve or include things I must do or accomplish to feel right for the day. I work from home, so one of those things is to work.
I have not been able to work. It has only been one day, but it has really set me off. My days are just not right and I am becoming irritable.
I have found that through my work or in my work or while I work I can actually ignore my depression. I just don't feel it so much as long as I have worked for the day. I have a sense of accomplishment and that really does help against depression. It's always just right there, off on the edges, but not quite able to take over as long as I am "productive".
I'm not productive now and don't know when I will be able to be productive again. My work requires sitting and currently I cannot sit comfortably for very long…I fell down the steps this weekend and hit my tail bone. It's terribly bruised and still extremely sore if I sit incorrectly. I have to sit at so many odd angles now that it is causing my lower back to be sore now.
I am extremely stubborn and really want to overcome this. I think I will probably down some Tylenol and push through. I cannot and will not and really do not want to go through another day of "nothing"…