Concert tonight! Get to see Godsmack live, one of my favorite bands. Ever. Staind and Halestorm too, but Godsmack is what I"m excited about.

Saw Korn, Chevelle, Cavo, and other bands I don't listen too as much last night.

Tonight will be my fourth rock concert to experience, my fourth time in the pit.

I am 4 feet, 11.75 inches tall, and my doctor thinks I'm done growing vertically. A bit on the slimmer, petite side. In the moshpit, I can't see the stage or anything. My eyesight is terrible without glasses (no way I want to wear that in a pit, either,) and even if I stand on my tiptoes and crane my neck-which can get very sore very quickly-I still can't see much at all. Even getting a breath of fresh air is difficult. You have to be ready for crowd surfers, because they could easily drop on you if you're not prepared. No one wants to be dropped.

But despite that, something about rock concerts invigorate me. It just feels right. Social norms go away, and shoving, pushing, fighting, getting loud. It's all okay. I'm not a very loud person, but it still gets you pumped up. The vibration of the bass is wonderful as well, as it splits through your ears, pounds across your chest, dances through your hair, and even slides out your feet. Just makes me bob my head to the beat. No fear.

I may not be the prettiest girl out there, but I like this scene and I don't want to leave it just because of that. Always, I see people in the mosh near me, and I wonder why they're there. Attractive girls wearing booty shorts and fashionable tops and heels, with tanned skin and long earings dancing in everybody's space to the music. Blonde girls with acrylic nails and pink jackets texting on their phones when good bands are playing. And the louds girls. My goodness. I'm a very quiet person. Very introverted. I don't very get along with louder people. Sure they're fun to be around at other places, in school, like a ying and yang pair up of quiet and loud personalities.

But in concerts, I'm just trying to enjoy the band, enjoy the feelings. Then I hear their loud comments, sometimes drunk, that are immediate clues that this is their first concert. I've only been to three, but I assimilate into the mentality pretty well in the mosh, like just another cookie cutter rock fan. But you can tell when people are at their first concert. Nervous. Expecting stereotypes. And you can spot the kids who don't listen to the music and aren't into the rock culture, just came along to get drunk and do something "cool."

I think wherever I go, I get pretty upset easily over pet peeves. Of course I don't say it, but in class, I get irritated if someone starts coughing incessantly with no restraint, or taps their pencil constantly. Getting angry like this is especially more common when I'm smoking, which I started up again.

I'm not a drinking person because I'm so lightweight, and I'm not big into weed, but when the weather warms up, smoking is what calms me down. And gets me easily annoyed.

So sometimes I feel hostile when I'm next to loud girls in the mosh. But once the music really starts, you can just get rid of all that anger when you push, jump, pump, and squeeze together. Help a brother out who fell to the floor. Push the crowdsurfers around. And just go with the music.

I love Godsmack, so I'm really excited about this. Won't bring anything this time, no phone for pictures or makeup (which I seriously have a dependency problem with). Just me, myself, and I. A good pair of jeans. A sports bra so I can move around freely. Black tank or black shirt. And I'm good.

Tonight is also our school's prom night, but as a junior, I'd much rather go to this concert than spend all this money and stress to look like a princess, and get a pretend date that I probably won't talk to afterwards.

You know. Life can be good.

Got my driver's license-can't drive very much, many parental restrictions. But in a year, I'll be free. I can get tattoos. Start having the adult stresses and responsibilities. And live.

Depression hasn't hit in a while.


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