Monday night I had an asthma attack. It happened while I was sleeping and I wasnt getting enough oxygen so I really dont remember much about the attack. Lucky for me my lovely husband helped get me through it. I think I scared him pretty bad. There has been a forest fire near us and I am very allergic to wood smoke. I also have a cold. Between the two of them I am not breathing well at all. (plus I am not quite used to this 8,600 foot altitude we have here)

So because of that Tuesday was pretty much a wash. LoL I didnt accomplish much at all. The former friend of mine who said she couldnt support me….she did talk to me after not saying anything for a week. She just wants to pretend nothing is wrong and come to me when she wants to. I let her know that I love her and would love to be friends, but that she has to be willing to be there for me too. Guess what? Nothing. No response. I still cant believe that after all we have been through and all that we mean to eachother……she suddenly drops me this way. Amazing.

I'm more than a little stressed at the unknowns with our financial situation. My husband doesnt really want to be a stay at home dad. He doesnt have a job though. If I take a travel nursing contract he just simply cant take a job that would start before that contract is up. We sat down and talked about it for a long while today. He has an interview Friday but no other real promising job oppertunities right now. He has dozens of applications out but, other than the interview Friday, he hasnt heard from any of them. I still have to do a bunch of things to get done before I can be hired by the travel agency anyway.

Long story short, the current plan is for me to work on getting everything settled (license, references, etc…) for applying to the travel nurse agency and he will do this inverview on Friday. Hopefully sometime next week we will have a better idea if we want me to work full time for a while or not. lol Its a case of too many choices and i am sooo overwhelmed.

I am trying harder to take care of myself and I have been reading self help books and doing my best to follow their wisdom to learn about myself and to take better care of myself. I still do not feel happiness or joy or excitement. However I am also no longer suicidal. Does that mean that I need to increase my dose? Wait longer for the med to take effect? My doc will call this week and ask me what I think. lol I dont believe I am qualified lol.

I am so very tired of the boxes. I swear it seems as though I never work on them! Today I want to get the boxes out of our room. My husband and I have about 6boxes left in there and at least two are going to take a few hours a piece. I'm hoping……


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