Hello! I know it's been about 8 or so months since I've last updated thisblog. So much has happened. I've gone through my ups and downs and so far I'm on an up, thank goodness. Just like my typical BPD I went through baseball season bouncing around from guy to guy. I never talked to Eduardo again and about a week after my last post I met my now ex-boyfriend Arcenio (which lasted only 4 mos & he broke up with me over the phone the day after my birthday, how convenient) which led to my relapse into alcohol abuse. Well, more like closet alcohol abuse because I wasn;t teaching Zumba classes at the time so I'd stay home alone and drink anything that had an alcohol content higher than 4%. So I started a new job (actually, sinceSeptember)& low & behold my coworker says she has a friend that recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend (whom also mothered his two beautiful children) and she thought we might be a good match since we are both sweet natured and big hearted. So she gives him my number and he texts me and we agree to go out on a date two days later, which makes it a Thursday night. So we go on our date and it was just the best time I could have had. I even remember posting it on Twitter & Facebook saying that I just went on the best date ever. So we keep talking and things are going great and we are still together as of now, going strong. I only say going strong because next Saturday we'll have been together 5 mos already. Normally my relationships don't go past 4 mos. He says he loves me and misses me when I'm not around. Well, the reason I titled this blog "Found My Match is because he himself just so happens to suffer from PTSD (due to a rough childhood) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (as a result of the childhood trauma). It's so weird because we both react the same way in so many situations. Or he reacts in ways I would have reacted in the same situation. I've met his sons (one is a genius & the other is sooo adorable) and his family (which his mom didn't even say hi, bitter old lady syndrome I guess) in which everyone but his mom liked me. But anyway, he only has one alter in his DID which is the only obstacle in our relationship. My honey tells me that he's never met anyone like me and that he'll never leave me. Well, his alter (whom we call the "bizarro" one) is suspicious of everything. He's the "tough" version of my bf that pretends to be careless and thinks of any little thing to find a way to disprove that our relationship could amount to anything more than just bf/gf. Well, the day before yesterday he relapsed into his alter (which, ironically only happens when I don;t see him) and when he came out of it he apologized saying that it only happens like that because he's afraid that I'll leave him because of it. He said his exes (including the mother of his kids) would freak out once they found out about his DID and would leave him. The coworker that introduced me to him initially said that he was not the lovey, affectionate type (which is a result of the trauma he experienced) but with me he's the total opposit and even he knows that. He mentioned how with other girls he would have to force himself to. It just feels weird to me to finally have someone who understands how I feel and what I'm going through. I remember with Anthony (the breakup that caused me to create this account) I would get all crazy paranoid (from BPD) and he would hate it. I even recall finding out through a mutual friend that he said the reason he broke up with me was because I was too clingy, needy and overbearing. Well, with my new love (whom I will not mention to protect his identity… the both of them, hehe) he does the exact same things I did in that previous relationship so when I get paranoid back with him he doesn't get annoyed. It happened this morning, though. I texted him when I was on my way to work, as is our morning ritual and he didn;t text back right away so I thought he might have been getting ready for work since I go in at 8:30AM and he goes in at 9:00AM. Well, I got to work and I still hadn't gotten anything so I called him thinking he might have stayed asleep but I got no answer. So I started freaking out thinking maybe this was his way of breaking up with me and that I would never hear from him again and I started thinking well what if he took his Excedrin PMs and overdosed this time (he's taking up to 5 or 6 on occasion, usually on our off days but he wakes up fine the next morning) and my mind was just wandering into all sorts of dangerous territory. Well, he texts me at 8:30 saying "Good morning, beautiful" and what not like nothing's wrong. So I thought, ok… is he avoiding the situation or am I just crazy? So I ask him if there was anything wrong and he said no that he completely forgot to tell me that he went into work an hour later today so he was able to sleep in a little bit. I swear, if I could have breathed the sighof relief that I wanted to I might have been able to make a kite fly. I immediately felt like such an idiot for thinking so negatively and he felt super bad because i felt bad. Well, needless to say I apologized for acting like a crazed lunatic and he said there was no need to apologize and it was just one huge misunderstanding. But I guess the root of the problem is that since neither one of us has ever had a relationship like this before where the both of us have something not working quite right upstairs in the brain department that we can actually relate to each other seems surreal. It's amazing how I've learned to deal with his alter when he rears his ugly head and he knows just what to say to keep me from getting worked up and overparanoid. In a way, I do like talking to his alter because he says the things that my honey is too shy or afraid to say. Like the other day, the alter told me how my honey really wants me in his future and that he is afraid of even proposing the idea of marriage and a family because he feels like he'd be holding me back from a successful career (in what, I have no idea. I haven;t even finished college, I'm working full time as a receptionist and I teach Zumba. Like I said, WHAT FUTURE?). Now let me tell you, I have never met any other guy that has ever been more concerned about my wellbeing and my future than this one. He is just everything I have ever wanted in a guy. He brings me flowers, he buys me little surprise stuffed animals (like a pink bunny last week) and brings me dinner when I've had a late workout. He is just everything that I wished my exes were but never could be. He is everything I could have ever asked for. I really truly believe he is my one true love. I seriously do. We can get through tough times and act like nothing happened the next day (perhaps thankfully to our personality disorders?) Anyway, I have never been this truly and consistently happy in the longest time. I can honestly say that my parents and friends have noticed a positive change in me. They've told me so on separate occasions. Well, hopefully the next time I update will be to share more detailed stories on his alter's episodes and my paranoia episodes and how we deal with them as a team. Yeah, that's what we are. A team. 😀


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