My first blog,
I think I will use this feature to blog everyday as I start a phase of refreshing myself or more of a hard reset of my life. I have certain habits and ways of doing things that I have really become to dislike and its got to the point now where the need to change a find some focus in my life, is now urgent.
Tomorrow I start taking a higher dose of meds, hopefully they will function right and they will boost this fresh start and my new mentality. I have been drinking too much and neglecting my general wellbeing and I want to change that. What I am doing isn't making me feel better and it is actually setting me back so logically there is no reason to continue on the long road to ruin.
My problem is that I have been in this position before and it always involves me going back into bad routines, resetting my body clock negatively and just switching off again. My girlfriend was telling me how much my self esteem and confidence has changed in 6 years and the decline is staggering, I am now at a point where I have started to believe that I have no worth and no influence on my world. I am almost like a passenger on a pointless ride to nowhere. This has to stop, I have lost way too much in this time frame and losing her and my family (the last two things I have) would destroy me, and I can't take that risk. I need to stick to the plan, stay in the game and give myself a life again.
I pray for this strength, focus and drive to come. I wish for the will power and the state of mind that will enable me to work on building a new life, because that is what I need to do. For too long I have been clinging to a life that doesn't exist anymore, clutching on to little pieces of the past…that are no longer relevant, beneficial or even in existence.
This will be hard and I know what I am like, but that is exactly the problem…I need to change my ways. So here's to the next step, and the first step on my road of recovery and rehabilitation. I will be back each day to post my latest insights and leave a track of my progress.
I don't really know where I am going, all I know is that I desperately need to get there.