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I am trying to figure out how to get through my days. Went to see the doctor yesterday. What she couldn't understand is how I can be so unhappy when my life sounds pretty good. Which is so true. Most people would give anything to have the life I have. I have a good job, a nice car, just bought a house, a carrying boyfriend and a loving son. But I can't see the good in any of that. Why because each are carries a negative with it that I can't control.

Here's how life goes for me, I left a relationship of 12 years and moved out. It looks as though I left my son because I left the house he knew as his home. But I didn't. I would give anything to have my son more than 50% of the time. However for some reason his dad decided he wanted to start caring about his son the minute I decided to leave. When I get my son I am to depressed and tired to give him the attention he needs. I feel as though I am a bad mom. I don't want to be a bad mom.

I met my boyfriend 4 months ago. The first month we got along great. He did everything in his power to see me and talk to me on the phone. I was also still in the process of moving out from my old house. So to me it seemed as though it was a thrill factor involved since I was still living with my ex when we met. Then he got into a car accident and everything changed. He went from finding ways to see me and talk to me to seeing me 1 day a week and talking to me via text more than anything. Just recently did he start calling me on his way home from work. He too struggles with bi-polar and depression. We love each other but I am in fear that our depression is feeding off each other and causing more problems. He has a possessive roommate that needs his undivided attention. I don't know how much more I can feel like I am second best. I don'tknow how to talk to him about this. We promised to talk to each other about everything but if I bring up not seeing him as much as I want, we will fight. Plus he works night turn (3 /12's) which doesn't help the situation.

I need to start and pretend he doesn't exist and not depend on him so much. that is the only way I will be able to survive this relationship until he can figure out in his head what he wants more. The reason I want to stay in this relationship is because he can understand me.No oneelse would be able to understand this depressive state I am in.I am at a lose and justwant to run away.

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 6 years ago

    This relationship has all the earmarks of a rebound. Rebounds do not last and they aren't good..I  do not know how the young child involved and be well with TWO bipolar adults. This doesn't make you a bad mom; only a sick one.

    You will find in any relationship that people need to be apart just as much as they need to be together. It is important to fill the apart time with activities of fun,and self nourishment.

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  2. dragonprincess 6 years ago

    Thank you. I often wonder if he is a rebound. I love being with him and love everything about him. But I start to wonder if our joint bi-polar and depression can work together or be dangerous.  

    My son is 3 1/2.

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