Terrible horrible no good very bad night.  I remember reading a book when I was young where the character kept saying that about his day.  Last night we were going out for dinner with my daughter and her family.  I had a tough day, very difficult, and was struggling to pull myself back up.  I also have anxiety about talking on the phone with people.

First my mother in law calls with 20 questions about mothers day.  She wants to do brunch, again, that’s fine, but asks me when my daugther is working.  I asked if she called her.  Yes but there was no answer.  Honestly, I said, I dont know her schedule, it would be best if you’d talk to her.  Well, she asks, would 10 or 2 be better for her?  Again I told her I didnt know, and said it would depend what she works the night before as well.  This went back and forth, she finally decided on 10am and that was that. 

Two minutes later my daughter calls.  I mentioned mothers day and the phone call.  She sighs, and asks, how much is it, knowing full well that we normally pay for all of them anyway.  I told her and she said she’d ask her hubby.  I said, of course, you better ask him.  It was sarcastic, as I am struggling with the fact that they spend 85% of their time with his family and I am lucky to see them once every couple weeks.  She yells back, well thats a lot of money and I’m not just going to say yes we are going.  I said fine.  She said fine and we planned to meet at 6 for dinner. 

I felt horrible afterwards.  Apparently she called my husband, probably to bitch about me, but when she found out he was home, she told him, dont tell mom I called, and hung up.

Tom and I talked for a bit, I cried about how little we get to see them, how every time it has something to do with our family its like pulling teeth, but she re-arranges and takes off work for his family.  I told him I didnt even want to go anymore.  I was a wreck.  He called her and said we were going to pass on dinner tonight.  Her response was, yeah, I figured that was coming.

I know I am not without fault here.  I want to tell her (I think) about the fact that I am dealing with some things (depression, etc) here, but I dont know how she will take it and I know she will tell her husband.  (back to my idea of keeping everything hidden, everything is perfect) I also need to address this issue, again, about how much time she spends with us or our respective families.  45 minutes on  the freeway is not an eternity or the other side of the world.  I hate myself today.